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MEWEy 
m Revues 




The Footli^ht 
Revue 



T. S.Denfson 

AND COMPt- vX'Y 
C H I C >^ O 




Price 33 Cents, 



Denison's Select Plays 



ALL ON ACCOUNT OF POLLY 

By Harry L. Newton. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 10 
females (2 children). Time, 214 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

AN ARIZONA COWBOY ' . . . , 

By Sheldon Parmer. Comedy-drama m 4 acts; 7 males, 
5 females. Time, 2^4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

A CABIN COURTSHIP . . o . . 1 

By Irene Jean Crandall. Comedy m 3 acts; 5 males, 

4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

CLUBBING A HUSBAND . , . 10 . 

By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy m 3 acts; 12 fe- 
males. Time, 2 h ours. Price, 35 Cents. 

A DREAM OF QUEEN ESTHER . . , , , 

By Walter Ben Hare. Biblical drama in 3 acts; 3 males, 
16 females. Time, 21/4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

THE KINGDOM OF HEART'S CONTENT 

By Lindsey Barbee. College comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 
12 females. Time, 21^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

THE LAUGHING CURE 

By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy in 2 acts; 4 males, 

5 females. Time, 1% h ours. Price, 35 Cents. 

LIGHTHOUSE NAN . o . . , c 

By Sheldon Parmer. Sea-coast drama in 3 acts; 5 males, 

4 females. Time, 21 4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

RUTH IN A RUSH 

By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy m 3 acts; 5 males, 7 fe- 
males. Time, 21/2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

A SOUTHERN CINDERELLA 

By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 7 fe- 
males. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

A TRIAL OF HEARTS ^ . ^ ^ ^ . 

By Lindsey Barbee. College comedy in 4 acts; 6 males, 
18 females. Tim e, 2^4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

WAY DOWN ALONG 

By Gladys Ruth Bridgham. Comedy m prologue and 
2 acts; 7 males, 3 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 



T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO 



THE 
FOOTLIGHT REVUE 



A Colorful Contrivance 
In Five Flashes 



Devised by , ' 
FREDERICK G? JOHNSON 

AUTHOR OF 

The Fun Revue," "Foiled, By Heck!" "Gimme Them Papers T 
"How to Stage a Minstrel Show," and many 
vaudeville acts and specialties. 



Ensemble Numbers Arranged by 
MAY DIXIE . 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 






WARNING 

Purchase of this book does not in- 
clude performing rights. For AMA- 
TEUR performance of this play, in 
whole or in part, under this or any 
other title, a performing royalty must 
be paid in advance, of fifteen dollars 
($15.00) for a single performance, ten 
dollars ($10.00) for the second con- 
secutive performance and five dollars 
($5.00) each for subsequent consecu- 
tive performances, whether admission 
is charged or not. (See page 93.) Re- 
ceipt for royalty payment, issued by 
the publishers, will constitute license 
for performance. When remitting 
royalty, give date and place of per- 
formance and state by whom books 
were purchased, to insure proper 
credit. The royalty fee cannot be 
waived or reduced. For terms for 
PROFESSIONAL production, apply to 
the publishers. 

Royalty fees are payable only to the 
publishers, T. S. DENISON & COM- 
PANY, 623 So. Wabash Ave., Chicago. 



Dr.l.D 62950 



^^' 



COPYRIGHT, 1922. BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 

Made in U. S. A. 



NOV 2b jb22 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 



CHARACTERS. 

Part One. 

Mr. Driver The Stage Manager 

Willie Jump The Property Man 

Percy Penn The Amateur Author 

John Draw Knott The Amateur Leading Man 

Charles Olden Grey The Regular Actor 

Tottie Twinkletoes The Amateur Souhrette 

Madame Wherami The Amateur Leading Lady 

Jane Gabb The Amateur Beauty 

I MA Goodwin The Amateur Ingenue 

Mrs. Sippy The Scruhlady, No Amateur 

Want A DeMun The Wandering Musician 

Mrs. Pest The Aspiring Mother 

Camille Pest The Ambitious Daughter 

Hiram Tubbins The Rustic Stranger 

Eddie Offkey ^ 

Seldom Hurd I j,^^ Anmtcur Quartette 

LusTiE Tenner ( 
Willie Discord J 

Pony Ballet, Scnoritas, Toreadors and Members of the 

Chorus. 



Part Two. 

Hiram Tubbins On a Visit to the City 

Hank Tubbins He Came Along with Dad 

Part Three. 

Speedy Service The Proprietor 

George He Gets Half the Tips 

Henry He Gets the Rest 

Flora Flapper A Broadway Belle 

3 



4 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Susan Spriggs While There's Life There's Hope 

Pan Toy A Cabaret Singer 

Hank In Quest of Pleasure 

Hiram In Quest of Hank 

Cabaret Guests, Entertainers, etc. 

. Part Four. 
George That's All 

Part Five. 

Jack A Good Fellow 

Jakie Not So Good 

Rose An American Girl 

Pansy Hardly an American Beauty 

El Goofus The Shriek's Handy Man 

Gazook An Oriental Slave Trader 

Bayuda The Favorite Wife 

Mud Pie Girl, Rube Girl, Southern Girl, French 

Girl and Chinese Girl Every Little Bit Helps 

Wives, Slaves, American Tourists, etc. 



MUSICAL NUMBERS. 

1 . Opening Chorus Ensemble 

2. *'In the Evening by the MoonHght, Long Ago.". . 
Qimrtette 

3. Violin Solo (optional) DeMun 

4. ''Carmen, She Was Absolutely Charmin* "... .Camille 

5. ''As Long As I Have You" Ima and Knott 

6. "Steppin' Around" Tottie and Ensemble 

7. "Oshkosh, B' Gosh !" Hank 

8. "Swanee River Blues". ... ; George 

9. "Chinese Love Song" Pan Toy 

10. "Somebody Lied" Henry 

IL "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby" Dora 

12. "If I Was What I Ain't" George 

13. "Old Fashioned Rose" Rose and Jack 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 5 

14. "I've Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts". /ac^ and Girls 
(Introducing ''Mud Pie Days," ''Oshkosh, B' Gosh!" 

"In the Evening by the MoonHght, Long Ago," "Chi- 
nese Love Song" and "Old Fashioned Rose.") 

15. "Cleopatra" Baynda 

16. Finale Ensemble 



SCENE SYNOPSIS. 

Part One "On With the Play!' 

{Bare stage of theatre; full stage.) 

Part Two "Perils of a Great City' 

{Street drop; in one.) 

Part Three "The Footlight Cabaret.' 

{Restaurant or roof garden; full stage.) 

Part Four "Turning on the Gas.' 

{Plush drop; in one.) 

Part Five ''The Haunted Mummy.' 

{Oriental harem; full stage.) 



TYPES AND COSTUMES. 
Part One. 

Driver, Penn, Knott and Quartette wear ever^^day 
street clothes. Driver is nervous and quick. Penn wears 
a flowing tie and shell rimmed specacles, and is dreamy and 
poetic. Knott is dressed in the height of fashion. 

Willie is tough and slangy. He wxars "jumpers" or over- 
alls of blue or brown denim, or dirty white. He shouts 
his lines. Grey makes up elderly, with side-whiskers, and 
wears frock coat, silk hat, spats, etc., being an exaggeration 
of the old-time "ham" actor. 

Jane is a semi-old maid type. Mrs. Sippy is an Irish 
"biddy" with red wig, and scrublady clothes ; can be played 
by a large woman, or by a man. 

Ima and Tottie are young and pretty; they wear attrac- 
tive street clothes and change to special costumes for their 
sono^s. 



6 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Madame Wherami is of the dowager type, elderly but 
attractive. Mrs. Pest^s costume is loud and in bad taste. 
Camille the same, but less eccentric. 

DeMun is a typical Italian, with velveteen coat (or 
flannel shirt and old vest), baggy corduroy trousers, bright 
red sash around waist, big soft felt hat, bandana handker- 
chief at the neck. Hiram is a typical elderly rube, with 
semi-bald Uncle Josh wig, old-fashioned suit, cow-hide 
boots, bandana hanging from hip pocket. 

The Pony Ballet is made up of the smallest ladies of 
the chorus. Costumes are optional, but they should be all 
the same. Short skirts are necessary because of the fast 
and vigorous dancing. ''Kiddie" clothes are sometimes 
worn. Some clubs which do not care for abbreviated cos- 
tumes use Yama-Yama suits for their pony chorus (clown 
style, with full trousers) which allow for strenuous action. 

The Senoritas and Toreadors wear Spanish costumes. 

The Chorus Men will probably find the sport costume 
easiest to arrange, with blue serge coats, white flannel trous- 
ers, straw hats, white or tan shoes. Or sport blazers (bright 
striped jackets) with white trousers will make an even bet- 
ter flash. Insist on uniformity as to shoes, hose, hats, shirts 
and ties. 

The Chorus Ladies are very attractive in bright summer 
dresses. These need not be uniform, but should form an 
agreeable harmony to the eye. 

Part Two. 
Hiram is the same as before. Hank is a young rube, 
with blond shock wig ; tight, gaudy ''store clothes" ; straw 
hat with brim cut down very narrow, and bright band ; high 
celluloid collar and noisy tie; purple handkerchief in breast 
pocket of coat, well pulled out ; purple socks ; bright yellow 
shoes ; a front tooth stopped out with email noire adds to 
the comedy, and the eyelashes may be covered with flesh 
grease paint and vertical lines drawn over the eyelids. 



THE FOOTLJGHT REVUE - 7 

Part Three. 

This is really a miniature novelty minstrel, and Speedy 
has the function of interlocutor; he wears a neat tuxedo. 
George and Henry are in blackface, with negro wigs ; black 
or white cotton gloves ; misfit dress suits, and white aprons. 

Susan is typical old maid, with corkscrew curls, old-time 
•''mitts" (cotton gloves with fingers cut out), loud dress in 
burlesque of current style, etc. Flora is a dashing young 
woman in an evening gown. Pan Toy wears a beautiful 
Chinese costume, and makes up with slightly slanted eye- 
brows. Hank and Hiram as before. 

Part Four. 
George, as before, but without the apron. 
Part Five. 

El Goofus and Gazook in oriental costume, with heavy 
black beards. The latter has an immense turkish dagger in 
his belt. 

Jack is a dashing young American, and can wear white 
flannels, or golf togs, or tropical tourist outfit of duck or 
khaki with leggings, pith helmet, etc. Jakie is typical 
Hebrew comedian, round-shouldered and bent of knee. He 
can wear customary stage Hebrew outfit — big derby pushed 
down over his ears, old frock coat, big shoes, etc. — or his 
costume can burlesque Jack's. Changes to bright costume 
burlesquing oriental splendor. 

Rose is a charming American girl. She can wear attrac- 
tive summer dress, or tourist outfit, li she can make a 
quick change, for the "Fifty-Seven Varieties" number, an 
old-time hoopskirt costume is very effective. The quick 
change to oriental costume can be simply a face veil and 
throw-over scarf. These changes must be well rehearsed, 
for they must be quickly done. Pansy should be played by 
a stout girl who does not mind being laughed at. She is a 
bit tough, but never vulgar. Her costume may be a comic 
adaptation of Rosens. 

The Mud Pie Girl should be one of the smallest ladies 



8 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

of the company. She may wear a romper outfit, and she 
carries a tin pail and shovel. The Rube Girl may have a 
comedy costume, Sis Hopkins style, with hair in pigtails, 
awkward dress with sliort sleeves, short cotton gloves, white 
cotton stockings, clumsy shoes, etc., or she may have a pretty 
but simple gingham dress with sunbonnet. Southern Girl, 
any quaint costume that is appropriate to the song. French 
Girl, dashing dance costume. Chinese Girl, pretty Chi- 
nese outfit ; can be doubled by Pan Toy. 

Bayuda and Wives wear oriental harem costumes. 
Slaves can be made up with brown grease paint, in regula- 
tion oriental costumes, but are generally doubled by George 
and Henry in fantastic comedy costumes to suit individual 
fancy. Black tights, with stifif linen cufifs dangling around 
wrists and ankles, are very funny. Or gaudy military out- 
fits may be worn. 

The Tourists comprise the chorus men, and all the 
chorus ladies who do not appear as wives. Attractive sports 
outfits are worn, and they need not be uniform. 

Don't worry if your Egyptian costumes are not technically 
correct. Use Turkish or Arabian or whatever you can get. 
If renting from a costume house, specify Oriental costumes 
with Egyptian headpieces. 



NOTES ON STAGING. 

"The Footlight Revue" carries out, even more completely 
than "The Fun Revue," the idea of putting into book form 
a big, spectacular musical revue, including not only the 
dialogue but the complete instructions and stage business 
whereby a club without the advantage of having a profes- 
sional director may put on this modern form of entertain- 
ment as successfully as one guided by a professional coach. 

By eliminating this chief item of expense, amateur pro- 
ducers are enabled, if they so desire, to make some outlay 
for scenery and costumes, although this likewise is not ab- 
solutely essential if funds are lacking and the performers 
are willing to make some effort in assembling their ward- 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE _ 9 

robes. The only costumes which require much preparation 
are those of the Spanish chorus and for Part 5. 

While special scenery for Parts 3 and 5 is highly efifective, 
and special drops for Parts 2 and 4 are desirable, the latter 
stunts can be presented in front of the front curtain, if 
necessary, and the other sets, being interiors, can be ar- 
ranged with the stock scenery in any theatre if special sets 
are out of the question. Or, if presented in an auditorium 
with no scenic equipment whatever, the settings may be 
suggested with screens, etc. 

It will be noted that the specialties in "The Footlight 
Revue" are arranged with the utmost flexibility. The rou- 
tine is such as can be followed by any average group of 
talent, but under special conditions it can easily be altered 
to meet individual requirements. • The work is arranged to 
allow for either a large or a small chorus, and many of the 
parts can be "doubled" if desired. 

Thorough rehearsing is, of course, essential. This sub- 
ject is far too big to treat in the limited space here available, 
and the amateur director is urgently advised to study 
thoroughly, and use as a textbook, "How to Stage a Min- 
strel Show," which form of entertainment has many points 
in common with the revue. The prefaces to "The Fun 
Revue" and "In Hot Tamale Land" will also prove helpful. 
Remember that "acting" ability is less important than "pep" 
in a show of this kind. Everything is worked for novelty 
and comedy, and every player, whether a principal or a 
chorus man or lady, should reflect in face and manner the 
joy and enthusiasm which are essential. The audience won't 
be happy unless the cast and chorus seem to be. Laughter is 
contagious. The audience will reflect what it sees on the 
stage. Be sparing with encores. Keep things moving. 

The important evolutions of the chorus, including the 
opening number, the first finale and the grand finale, have 
been worked out in great detail for the convenience of 
amateur directors who lack experience in creating elaborate 
stage effects. These evolutions will take considerable re- 
hearsing, but the satisfaction of offering a production of 



10 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

truly professional effect will make up for the extra work. 
And they are not as complicated as the written instructions 
may make them appear. The other ensembles, or stage 
pictures, being less elaborate, can be worked out by your 
ow^n director, who will be guided by size of company, size 
of stage, arrangement of settings, etc. 

In rehearsing the chorus people the director must watch 
constantly to see that they keep singing. A beginner is 
likely to forget to sing as soon as he has to work with hands 
and feet at the same time. The evolutions or drills must be 
rehearsed until they, like the singing, will be done without 
conscious effort. This condition may be discouraging at 
first, but sufficient rehearsing will correct the trouble. 

The play is arranged to run a full evening without inter- 
mission, the acts alternating between full-stage and in-front- 
of -curtain. Or there can be intermission after Part One. 

The musical numbers have been chosen with the greatest 
care and the program is properly balanced. Be slow in sub- 
stituting other songs for those specified. The public tires 
very quickly of songs that have been artificially "popular- 
ized." The numbers here called for are not forced on to 
the general market, hence they will be new and novel to 
your audience, and will be received with real pleasure in- 
stead of with indifference. 

Clubs having* performers with specialized talents can 
easily introduce extra specialties. The best place for this 
is in Part Three, but any instrumental number may be sub- 
stituted for DeMun's violin solo in Part One. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

Up stage means away from footlights ; down stage, near 
footlights. In the use of right and left, the actor is sup- 
posed to be facing the audience. First entrance means the 
side opening nearest the footlights; second entrance, the 
opening just back of that. On most stages, fourth opening 
is the farthest up stage, though some have five or six, and 
smaller ones have only three. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 
SCENE PLOT. 



11 





Part I. 






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ORIENTAL PAUAce DROP 


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FOOTLIGHTS 





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12 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 13 

STAGING THE ENSEMBLES. 

To The Director: Be careful that the Hnes and figures 
formed by the different groups are symmetrical and distinct ; 
also that each person is clear and clean cut in all his steps 
and gestures as well as in his singing. Uniformity in all 
moves must be observed. Never lose an opportunity to give 
the audience a smile or a laugh. Get your people into the 
feeling of the numbers so that the movements will have a 
real meaning and not be mere, colorless drills. Broad move- 
ments are best; half-way or small gestures count for little 
or nothing on the stage. 



OPENING CHORUS. 

I have in mind for the size of the chorus eight Ponies, 
six Spanish couples, six Chorus Ladies and six Chorus 
Men. (Of course they are all chorus ladies and chorus men 
but these terms are used to distinguish those in modern 
dress.) For a chorus of different size, the work can be 
made to fit the music by repeating or cutting counts where 
necessary. For a very large chorus, the present instructions 
will be complete by using the people in double instead of 
single lines. 

Each lady and man requires two pieces of bright red 
cloth about fifteen or eighteen inches square. These are to 
be concealed in costume in such a way as to be quickly get- 
at-able. Silk is the prettiest, but any cloth will answer, or 
even tissue paper can be used. Each Chorus Lady (but not 
Ponies or Senor^itas) needs a rose at her waist, which may 
be real or artificial. Madame needs a real rose for her solo. 

The music for the Opening Chorus is Denison's Minstrel 
Opening Chorus and Finale Number Two, a composition 
that is admirably suited for musical comedies and revues as 




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14 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 15 

well as for minstrel shows. Introduction and *'01d Black 
Joe" movement are omitted, starting at point marked 
"Allegro, bones and tamb." for introduction, and raising 
curtain quickly at top of page 3 of score, where singing 
begins. All references to page and measure are to the vocal- 
and-piano score. 

Since the combined evolutions of principals and chorus 
are quite complicated, the instructions are here divided for 
principals and chorus groups for convenience in teaching. 
When rehearsed in ensemble, with the music, they will fit 
together properly. 

Principals. 

Grey enters, first right entrance, on "that stick like porous 
plasters/* and sings ''We'll borrow from the masters" at 
right, near footlights. While Chorus repeats the line he 
crosses and meets Madame who enters down left. She 
gives him her right hand and together they go to center at 
footlights. She has a rose in her hand. There is a slight 
pause in the music, to allow her to reach center easily be- 
fore singing. Grey stands at Madame's right. As she sings 
she first holds rose toward Grey, who admires it. As he 
reaches for it with left hand she changes it from her right 
to left hand and holds it up away from him, unconscious 
of his move. 

At "lovely companions" she takes rose in both hands and 
holds it close to breast. At "faded and gone" she throws 
rose Into audience. As she finishes, he crosses back of her 
to her left side, ofifers hand or arm and they exeunt down 
left. 

Ponies. 

This is a stage term, meaning dancing girls. They are 
sometimes called "broilers" because of their small size. They 
should be selected from the smaller ladies of your chorus. 
They are formed in one straight line, facing the audience, 
across stage from right to left, when the curtain rises. First 
eight measures, beginning top of page 3, two counts to the 
measure (sixteen counts) : 



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THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 17 

-/^ a'' (l)_Lift right leg so that upper part (from knee 
up) is at right angles with body, and leg below knee at 
right angles with thigh. At same time stoop slightly and 
clap hands under upper part of leg, head down 

''night of (2)— Take short step forward with right foot, 
and hands flung to either side of body, arms full length 
down, palms facing audience ; head thrown back slightly ; 
looking at audience, smiling. _ 

'' revel-' (3)— Firsf count reversed, raising left leg in- 
stead of right. . , 

'Vy, Of (4)— Second count reversed, stepping forward 

with left foot. , . . . 

Repeat the above three times, thus making sixteen counts 
for the eight measures. Make a very slight advancement 
with each step. At the end of the eight measures get halt- 
way down to footlights from point of starting. Act ^ as if 
you are having lots of fun. This takes you through zinth 
you hereafter." 

We now start the 9th measure, page 3, counting two to a 

measure. . , . , .i i 

''here to" (17)— Point right toe to right side, with a good 
stretch of right leg. At the same time, both arms are fully 
outstretched at the sides, palms of hands down ; head turned 
to rieht ; eyes turned to right ; weight on left foot. 

"please the" (18)-Right foot brought a little forward 
and a little left of left foot, weight on right foot; hands 
brought together, palm to palm, in front of body, arms 
stretched full length down ; head turned to audience ; look- 
ing at audience, laughing. i r. -^ ',u ^^^^^r^ 
"^w^inq and'' (19)— Point left toe to left side, with good 
stretch of left leg; weight on right foot. At the same time 
both arms are fully outstretched to sides, palms down ; bead 
turned to left, eves turned to left. ,. , , , i 
"old The" (20)— Left foot brought a little forward and 
a little 'right of right foot, weight on left foot ; hands brought 
together, palm to palm, in front of body arms stretched full 
length down; head turned to audience ; looking at audience, 
laughing. 



18 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Repeat these four counts (two measures each) three 
times, through 16th measure, page 3. This takes you 
through ''like porous plasters/' See Diagram 1. 

Now we have four measures and a pause, before the solo. 
For this, Ponies turn facing right, each with her right hand 
on right shoulder of girl ahead, and skip toward right of 
stage. Just before reaching wings the line turns abruptly 
right and skips up stage, forming a line at right reaching 
from up stage down toward footlights. The pause before 
the solo, with the preceding four measures, will give them 
enough time to reach position. See Diagram 2. 

For ''Last rose'' solo. Ponies face center of stage, watch- 
ing soloist. Each girl has body bent forward, hands to- 
gether, fingers interlaced, chin resting on top of fingers. This 
lasts through "blooming alone." On the words "All her' 
the Ponies turn their backs to center of stage, all turning 
at the same moment and in the same direction (to the right). 
Each looks at soloist over left shoulder, with left index 
finger on lips and right hand at side. This lasts through 
"faded and gone." 

Beginning with 4th measure, page 4, Ponies join hands 
and with very quick side-sliding steps the girl nearest foot- 
lights leads across stage to left, thus forming a Hne from 
left to right, near footlights, in front of everybody. This 
should be done very quickly, and is easy after a little prac- 
tice. The step is : Quickly slide the left foot a long slide 
to the left, then sliding the right foot up to it, and repeat 
as many times as necessary to make position. Take two 
of these steps to the measure. This movement consumes 
from "Too sloiv," through "paid their dough." 

Now, standing across stage at footlights, all gesture alike 
as follows : 

"want some pep"— StrikQ palm of left hand emphatically 
with right fist. 

"watch your step" — Kick right foot, toe pointed, out in 
front ; right hand out with index finger pointing to right 
foot ; head up, laughing. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 19 

''come on, friends/' — Slap front of legs with palms of 
hands, standing normally. 

"Let's go." — Arms outstretched to audience, palms up ; 
laughing at audience. 

''Let us go" (second) — Clap hands on "go." 

"Let us go" (third) — Clap hands on "go." 

"Let us go" (fourth) — Hop up as high as possible, land- 
ing on "go." This must be done with perfect uniformity. 

Now comes the Toreador march theme, four counts to 
the measure. 

Beginning at 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 4, Ponies 
separate at center, those at right going to right, and those at 
left going to left, with center Ponies acting as leaders. 
Right center Pony leads from center, goes up stage a trifle 
and turns to stage right ; left center Pony leads from center, 
goes up stage a trifle and turns to stage left. Thus they 
lead to a line across stage just behind and parallel to the 
line they have just left. Those who were at ends are now 
at center, and those who were at center now form the two 
ends. The change is made in four measures, four steps to 
the measure. Ponies are now in front of Ladies and Men, 
and behind Senoritas and Toreadors. See Diagram 3. 

Each Pony now takes two red squares of cloth (which 
she has concealed in her costume in such a way that she can 
get them, instantly), and waves the squares over her head, 
one in each hand. There are four waves to the measure 
(one for each count), and both hands move in the same 
direction at once. Wave first to left. These sixteen waves 
take you through "gaze and adore." 

The next figure begins with 1st measure, 5th line, page 4. 
As Ponies are standing abreast across the stage, they two- 
step toward footlights for four measures — beginning left 
foot first measure, right foot second measure, left foot third, 
right foot fourth. On first measure, point to left with left 
index finger and look to left. On second measure, point to 
right with right index finger and look to right. Repeat for 
third and fourth measures. This covers "Not so bad" 
through "might be better." 



20 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

We are now at last measure, page 4. For four measures 
we give one count each, as follows : 

''best is none too'' — Step back with left foot, at the same 
time swinging both arms tO' left at waist level, palm of left 
hand facing audience, palm of right hand away from audi- 
ence ; sway body to left. 

''good zi'hen it's not" — step back with right foot, swinging 
both arms to right, palm of right hand and back of left 
hand toward audience ; sway body to right. 

"quite up to tlie" — repeat left move, as above. 
"letter. The" — Repeat right move, as above. 
Ponies must now be back far enough to allow Ladies and 
Men in couples to walk in front of them. See Diagram 4. 
Beginning 4th measure, page 5, cake-walk for eight meas- 
ures, two counts to measure, making sixteen counts.' The 
cake-walk step is : Head thrown back, arms out in front, 
knee lifted high at each step, body bent backward, taking 
two steps to the measure. Pony at extreme right is leader. 
She turns to right and goes toward stage left, back of line, to 
form an oval or flattened circle, and Ponies in this forma- 
tion cake-walk once around behind Ladies and Men, who 
are doing cake-walk near footlights. Then Ponies come 
around to position in straight line abreast where they were 
standing before. This consumes eight measures, from 
"young folks like" to "zmth the bad ones." 

For men's line, "The good ones zi'ith the bad ones" 
stand still in line abreast across stage. On "bad" arms are 
upstretched at full length overhead, palms toward audience. 
Shake the hands and drop them. See Diagram 5. 

Beginning 4th measure, 3rd line, page 5, the allegro 
William Tell theme in two flats is a march of twenty meas- 
ures, two steps to the measure, making forty steps, as fol- 
lows : 

Pony at right end of line is leader. She marches oblique- 
ly down to footlights at extreme stage right, then directly 
up stage, forming line at right side, extending up from foot- 
lights. This takes fourteen counts. Then the leader goes 
toward left stage and leads Ponies into place forming line 



THE FOOTLJGHT REVUE 21 

across stage from right to left. This takes fourteen more 
counts (total twenty-eight. counts). Now the line abreast 
marches four steps toward footlights (total thirty-two 
counts). 

At this point the center couple march forward toward 
footlights, followed by couples formed by one Pony from 
each side. This consumes eight steps, thus getting all 
Ponies in double file at end of 3rd measure, 2nd line, page 6. 
Ponies are now standing in couples one behind another, 
front couple well down near footlights. (Total forty 
counts, finishing the theme.) See Diagram 6. 

Beginning 4th measure, 2nd line, page 6, all hold position 
and gesture alike. The following numbers indicate gestures, 
not measures or counts. The exact moment of motion will 
be easily learned from rhythm of music. 

"Willie (1) Willie Wictiun (2)— 1. Feet together, body 
bent forward a little ; right elbow pressed against body, fore- 
arm and hand held up with index finger pointing straight up 
parallel with body ; left arm at side ; head to right. 2. 
Right forearm goes down so it is at right angles with body, 
index finger pointing forward; feet and left arm as in 1. 

"was (3) the victim (4)" — 3. Same as 1, but with left 
arm instead of right ; head to left. 4. Same as 2, but with 
left arm instead of right; head to left. 

"Of (5) a village belle (6)"— 5. Clasp hands in front of 
body. 6. Elbows pressing body, throw forearms up, par- 
allel with body ; hands open, palms to audience. 

"His (7) Johanna played (8) piano" — 7. Left hand on 
heart, right hand on top of left hand. 8. With both hands 
imitate playing a run on pia-no, moving them from left to 
right while waggling fingers. 

"Murdered (9) William Tell (10).— 9. Still playing 
piano ;. lift hands up in front of body as if preparing to 
strike a loud chord. 10. Imitation with both hands of 
striking tremendous chord on piano, "bang !" 

"Poor (11) Beethoven, interwoven" — Left hand on chest; 
right hand on forehead. 



22 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

"With (12) her shot and shell" — Strike left palm with 
right fist, holding position through ''shell." 

''Drove (13) poor Willie silly" — Arms at either side 
pressed to body from shoulders to elbows ; forearms down- 
stretched and slightly oblique from body, right forearm to 
right, and left forearm to left; hands with fingers out- 
stretched, hands bent square back at wrists at right angles 
with arms, palms toward floor ; eyes turned up ; body sway- 
ing a little, as if losing balance. 

''till (14) he landed in a cell" — Both arms pressed tightly 
to body full length, hands pressed to body ; head down ; 
eyes down. 

"in (15) a padded cell" — Eyes opened wide; head waver- 
ing; elbows bent, liands out in front of body w^ith fingers 
moving as if trying to scratch someone. 

"Drove (16) poor Willie silly (17) till he"— 16. Right 
index finger touching right temple. 17. With right index 
finger, make two small circles in air near right temple. 

"Like (18) a crazy daffydiJly" — With hands in front of 
body, about at waist level, twist them around each other 
rapidly. 

"Landed (19) somewhere in a cell" — Clasp hands to- 
gether ; shake head ; eyes up. 

"Far (20) azi^ay from William Tell" — Hands now open 
and held forward, palms to audience ; move hands away 
from body as if pushing something away. 

This brings us to end of 3rd measure, 2nd line, page 7. 
Next we have "In a cell" spoken, not sung, twice slowly, 
three times quickly. 1st time stamp right foot, swinging 
both hands to right ; 2nd, stamp left foot, swing hands to 
left ; 3rd, stamp right, swing hands right ; 4th, stamp left, 
swing hands left; 5th, stamp. right, swing hands right. Each 
..lamp comes on the word "cell" and must be done with 
great precision. 

Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, the two Ponies 
in fro;it act as leaders. They separate, left leader going left 
and right leader going right. Couples behind them separate 
and follow leaders, so when last couple has come down 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 23 

where leaders stood, Ponies have formed a Hne abreast 
across stage, close to footlights. All run quickly to foot- 
lights, holding line formation, and on last "farewell" they 
sit down with legs crossed, arms outstretched to audience, 
laughing. Hold position till end of music. See Diagram 7. 
Keep smiling. 

Ladies and Men. 

This term is used for those in modem costumes, and does 
not include Ponies, Toreadors or Senoritas. We assume 
that six couples are used, but there may be more. 

Enter at 4th measure, 2nd line, page 3, at third entrance 
(about three-quarters up stage), half the couples from either 
side. Of those entering from right. Lady is at partner's 
right, Man's right hand holding Lady's left hand as high as 
possible. Of those entering from left. Lady is at partner's 
left, Man's left hand holding Lady's right hand as high 
as possible. 

Couples at right, Man makes first step with right foot, 
Lady with left foot. Couples at left, Man steps first with 
left foot and Lady with right foot. The step is a two-step, 
one complete two-step to a measure, partners turning away 
from each other on first measure, toward each other on 
second measure, and repeat through eight measures. That is, 
they turn azvay from each other on measures ''Here to 
please the" ''merchants and the," "Warbling bits of and 
"stick like porous." They turn toward each other on meas- 
ures "young and old, the" "pastors, by," "old time songs 
that" and "plasters" 

Couples from right go- toward footlights, forming a 
straight line of couples at right, from footlights to upper 
stage. Couples from left go toward footlights, forming 
straight line of couples at left, from footlights to up stage. 
See Diagram L 

Beginning 2nd measure, 4th line, page 3, couples at right 
face about, so last couple who entered are now leading. They 
turn and go obliquely down stage from up right toward 
footlights down left. At the same time the couples at left. 



24 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

without facing about, turn right and go obHquely across and 
up stage from down left toward up right. So the two 
groups meet about at center. All now form single line (not 
double) Man and Lady alternating, each Lady being at her 
partner's left, the line extending from up right to down 
left. 

The above must be done quickly and with precision. 
The movement is made as follows : Each Man holds 
Lady^s hand. All step with left foot on "borrow'' (2nd 
measure, 4th line, page 3.) Treading lightly on the toe of 
the foot, take two steps to the measure. This gives eight 
steps, and with pause before solo will allow ample time to 
adjust line. This takes us through "We'll horrozv from the 
masters," solo and chorus repeat. W^ are now as in Di- 
agram 2. 
" Following gestures for Madame's solo, all Ladies gestur- 
ing alike and all Men gesturing alike, and working in 
couples : 

Ladies : " 'Tis the last rose of summer" — Take rose from 
waist with right hand, hold it toward ]\Ian. 

''Left blooming alone." — Change rose to left hand, hold it 
out in front of body a little to left and up, and laugh at 
Man. 

"lovely companions" — Kiss rose, still in left hand. 

"Are faded and gone." — Place rose in left buttonhole of 
Man's coat. 

Men: "'Tis the last rose of summer" — Take off hat 
(or if hats are not worn, put hands in pockets) and look at 
rose. 

"Left blooming alone." — Reach out hand to take rose, 
which is too far away. 

"Lovely companions" — Drop hands to sides and pucker 
lips, as though whistling. 

"Are faded and gone" — Smiling very happily. 

Beginning 4th measure, 1st line, page 4, couple at ex- 
treme left become leaders. March in couples across stage 
and form a line of couples back of Ponies, right hand of 
Lady on Man's left arm. Your left side is now toward 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 25 

audience. This takes seven measures of two counts each, 
taking you through "Come on, friends, let's — '' 

Clap hands on ''go,'' 5th measure, 2nd Hne, page 4, and 
clap again on ''go/' 1st measure, 3rd line, page 4. On last 
''go," hop or jump up as high as possible and land on both 
feet. 

At beginning of Toreador theme, 2nd measure, 3rd line, 
page 4, all turn and face audience, so Ladies are now be- 
hind Ponies, and Men are behind Ladies, thus making a 
triple' row across stage. The first four measures (four 
counts to a measure or sixteen counts in all), are done as 
follows : 

Men and Ladies all march backward eight steps, retain- 
ing formation of two even lines. After these eight back- 
steps go forward again, taking just as many steps as 
necessary to come forward directly back of Ponies, and 
retaining symmetrical lines, not too far back. Then stand still 
for balance of the sixteen counts if necessary. This is 
through "Toreador, on guard now; Toreador, Toreador." 
Positions are now as in Diagram 3. Get red squares ready. 

Beginning 1st measure, 4th line, page 4, wave squares 
over head, four times to the measure, both hands going in 
same direction. Ladies all wave first to right (opposite to 
direction of Ponies), and Men wave first to left (same as 
Ponies and opposite to Ladies). Wave sixteen times. The 
waves must all start and end precisely together, everyone 
standing still. This is from "And think" through "gase and 
adore." 

Beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, each Lady turns 
to Man behind her and gives him her right hand. Then, 
with couple at extreme right as leaders, go lightly, on toes, 
two steps to a measure, down to footlights at extreme right. 
Turn and go up stage, and form a line in couples up and 
down stage at right, Lady at left of Man. This consumes 
eight measures, beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, 
through "letter. The—" 



26 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Then about face, so all are facing audience. Couple 
nearest footlights become leaders for next figure. See Di- 
agram 4. 

Beginning 4th measure, 1st line, page 5, taking two 
counts to a measure for the next eight measures, or sixteen 
counts in all, -the figure is : In couples, with Lady at right 
of Man, her left hand held very high in his right hand, body 
bent back, knee lifted as high as you can, cake-walk across 
stage near footlights from right to left ; make it extrava- 
gant. Take two steps to the measure. Consume the .whole 
sixteen counts in getting into position, in couples, in a line 
across stage near footlights from right to left. See Di- 
agram 5. 

Then stand still, facing left, for repeat line, ''The good 
ones with the had ones/' Throw hands up over head on 
''bad." 

Now comes the allegro William Tell theme, 4th measure, 
3rd line, page 5, for twenty measures, two counts to the 
measure, making forty steps. Lady at extreme left becomes 
leader, and marches straight up left. Her partner follows 
her, then second Lady and so on, making a single file. Lady 
and Man alternating. Leader takes line straight up stage, 
keeping as far left as possible, thus making a straight line 
from footlights toward back at extreme left. This takes 
fourteen counts or steps. Then leader turns toward foot- 
lights and marches straight down stage, keeping as close to 
original line as possible, and making the new line cover the 
old one rather than parallel to it. This takes fourteen more 
counts, with Hne still on left side but now facing audience. 
Leader now takes line from down left to up center, forming 
oblique line as in Diagram 6. First rehearsal will determine 
exact stopping point to bring line into place as shown. 
Leader must watch Spanish leader, in order to reach stop- 
ping point left of center at same time Spanish leader 
reaches stopping point right of center. All face audience. 

Beginning 4th measure, 2nd line, page 6, all hold position 
facing audience, and gesture alike, using same instructions 
as previously given for Ponies^ through five "ceir stamps. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 27 

Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, as soon as 
Spanish have swung their obHque Hne to horizontal po- 
sition across stage behind Ponies, who have gone down to 
foothghts, swing or wheel your line to a position straight 
across stage directly back of Spanish, and pressing closely 
against them. If stage is wide enough, have a single line, 
Man and Lady alternating ; otherwise make two lines, Men 
behind Ladies. On last "farewell" outstretch hands to audi- 
ence, laughing. 

Hold position, retaining smile, until music stops. See 
Diagram 7. 

Spanish Chorus. 

We assume that six couples are used, but there may be 
more. For brevity we will here refer to Toreadors as 
Boys, and Senoritas as Girls. 

Enter singing at beginning of theme, 2nd measure, 3rd 
line, page 4. Boys enter from right first entrance (entrance 
nearest footlights), and Girls enter from left first entrance. 
Boys form line across stage near footlights from right to 
left, leaving sufficient spaces between them for Girls to 
stand. Girls march on back of Boys, forming line from 
left to right back of Boys, spaced far enough apart for 
Boys to stand between them. For entrance, use brisk, 
swinging walk, four steps to a measure. Girls have arms 
akimbo (backs of hands on hips, elbows out). Boys have 
arms down at sides. Use twelve steps to get the two lines 
formed at end of 4th measure, 3rd line, page 4. This is 
through ''Toreador, on guard now, toreador'' All face 
audience. 

Each Boy now turns to his left and holds out left hand 
to Girl back of him, assisting her to the space at his left. 
Spanish thus form one line across stage at footlights. Boys 
and Girls alternating. Use four counts for this, finishing at 
end of 5th measure, 3rd line, page 4, ''Toreador" Positions 
now as in Diagram 3. Get red squares ready. 

Beginning 1st measure, 4th line, page 4, all hold position 
and wave red squares over head, four waves to a measure 



28 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

and all hands going in same direction. Wave alternately, 
beginning at right and making ten waves, consuming ''And 
think wJicn in danger thon shalt he, dark eyes — ''' 

Each Girl now whirls around quickly and drops on her 
left knee on ''-dor el' 1st beat of 4th measure, 4th line, page 
4, with hands still holding red squares and thrown over left 
and head turned right, looking up at Boy. At same time, 
Boy whirls around quickly in opposite direction from Girl 
and steps to her right side, holding left hand with red square 
over her head, and looking down at her. His right hand is 
at right side, a little away from body, holding other red 
square. This whirl and pose is through ''gaze and adore!' 
Holds position through 4th measure, 4th line, page 4. 

Beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, in couples run 
lightly toward left, with couple on extreme left as leaders. 
Take two steps to the measure and go up stage at left side, 
forming a line of couples (double file) on left side of stage, 
facing up. Reach positions of Diagram 4 at end of 3rd 
measure, 1st line, page 5. 

With couple farthest up stage as leaders, turn and cake- 
walk across stage from left to right, back of Ponies. Each 
Girl must be at Boy's left, his left hand holding her right 
hand high ; body bent back; lift knee very high at each step; 
make it extravagant. Arrange steps so that at end of eight 
measures there is a line of couples across from left to right. 
This is from "young folks like" through "the had ones." 
Positions are now as in Diagram 5. 

Then stand still in position, facing right, for repeat line, 
"The good ones zvith the had ones." Throw hands up on 
"had." 

Now comes the allegro William Tell theme of twenty 
measures, two counts to the measure, making forty steps 
in the theme. Each Boy, who is at Girl's right, reaches 
back of her head with his left arm and takes her left hand 
in his left hand. These joined left hands are held high 
enough for the Girl, when she throws back her head, to 
rest against the Boy's arm. He takes her right hand in his 
right hand, with her right arm stretched across in front of 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 29 

his body and held away from it. His head is bent a little 
toward her. She looks forward, smiling. As couples join 
hands in manner described they swing around into a single 
line, all facing audience. In a line abreast advance toward 
footlights, for twelve counts or steps, taking very short 
steps and all starting with left foot. Advance way down to 
footlights, consuming the following: " — sing, let us sing a 
brand new thing, Let us sing a song zuorth featuring, Let 
us sing, let us sing a brand new thing — "'' 

Beginning 5th measure, 4th line, page 5, face right, Boy 
at extreme right becomes leader of a file with Boys and 
Girls alternating. He leads line straight up right, and line 
should be at extreme right, from footlights to up stage, at 
end of 1st measure, top line, page 6, taking fourteen steps. 
This is for ''Come, let us sing, let us sing; Something new 
with ginger in it, Something really zi'orth the while; Some- 
thing righ t up — '' 

At this point about face, so that Girl nearest footlights, 
who was last in line, now becomes leader. She turns di- 
agonally up left and takes the line to a point a little right of 
center up stage, getting position shown in Diagram 6. She 
should watch the set on left side of stage, so that two sets 
may march exactly opposite and make position at the same 
moment. This line-up from down right to up center is 
made during "to the minute, try and make them smile; Let 
us sing, let us sing; Let us sing, let us sing, let us sing/*" 

Spanish are now in oblique line at right. Ladies and 
Men in obHque line at left, Ponies at center. All now hold 
position, facing audience, and all gesture alike, using instruc- 
tions given for Ponies, through ''Far away from William 
Tell." See Diagram 6. 

Now we have "In a cell" spoken five times — twice slowly, 
three times fast. On first "cell," stamp left foot and swing 
both hands to left; on second "cell," stamp right foot and 
swing both hands to right; third, foot and hands to left; 
fourth, foot and hands to right ; fifth, foot and hands to left. 
This must be done with great uniformity. 



30 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, as soon as 
Ponies start forward, wheel your oblique line down to 
straight horizontal line across stage, back of Ponies and as 
close to them as possible, and in front of Ladies and Men. 
On last ''farewell'' Boys and Girls all drop on one knee, 
all those right of center kneeling on left knee and facing 
somewhat right, and all those left of center kneeling on 
right knee and facing somewhat left, each one as erect as 
possible. At the same moment extend hands outstretched 
to audience on last "farezvelL" Hold pose until music stops. 
See Diagram 7. Keep smihng. 



"STEPPIN' AROUND." (First Finale.) 
Chorus People. 

This number uses the entire cast and chorus of Part One. 
Have all the Ponies, Ladies and Men, and Senoritas and 
Toreadors, ready in the wings, in couples, half at right 
side and half at left. Have the six female principals (not 
including Tottie), take the six male principals (not includ- 
ing the Quartet) for partners, three couples on each side. 
Have the remaining four men (the Quartet) take four 
Ponies for partners, two couples on each side. And the 
four remaining Ponies go in couples, one couple on either 
side. (We refer to chorus people by their first costuming, 
but if they have changed to other costumes for specialties 
they wear whatever costumes they had at last appearance ; 
or they may have special costumes for this number.) 

As music starts, chorus starts entering from both sides, 
in couples, at 3rd entrances right and left. The chorus 
people come first, in couples, and keeping the sets together. 
Then on each side two Ponies coupled with two Quartet 
Men, then a pair of Ponies, and lastly the Principals in 
couples. (One Pony from each side will take the place of 
a man partner and will follow instructions given for men.) 

The two double ranks, entering from opposite sides and 
marching toward each other, pass at center and form two 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 31 

horizontal lines of couples across stage, one from right to 
left and the other from left to right. Stand in couples just 
as you marched in, those who came from right facing left 
and those from left facing right. Those from right are 
nearer footlights, those from left are farther up stage. Each 
lady is at her partner's right. She has her left hand in his 
right arm. 

Enter with a light, easy marching step, two steps to the 
measure. There are eight measures in introduction, or six- 
teen steps to gain position, which is to be made by end of 
introduction. See Diagram 8. 

Now comes a four-measure vamp, allowing eight counts 
or steps. Holding relative positions of couples as in di- 
agram, and all stepping alike, do this : 

1st count, take short step back, with left foot; 2nd count, 
short step back with right foot ; 3rd count, «hort step for- 
ward with left foot ; 4th count, short step forward with right 
foot. Then repeat the four steps, making the eight counts 
for vamp. As the two double rows are facing in opposite 
directions, one half moves toward right while other half 
moves toward left, etc. This formation should be well up 
stage. 

After vamp, soloist starts singing. For brevity we will 
designate all couples who entered from right as "Right," 
and those who entered from left as "Left." As soloist starts 
singing, leaders of "Right" couples turn right and march 
across stage, forming straight line across stage from left 
to right, parallel to position they are leaving, and a very 
little further down stage. Leaders, on reaching extreme 
right, turn and march down stage to footlights, forming 
straight line in couples from upper right to right at foot- 
lights. This consumes twelve steps plus ten steps. At the 
same time, leaders of "Left" couples turn left and join to 
end of line of "Right" couples and march across stage from 
right to left, forming a straight line in couples across stage 
parallel to one they are leaving. This line is where "Right" 
couples stood at first. On reaching extreme left they turn 
and march down to footlights, forming straight line in 



32 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

couples from upper left to footlights at left. This consumes 
twenty-two steps. 

"Right" couples are now on right side, in a double file of 
couples from up right to down right, all facing audience, 
while "Left" couples are formed at left to balance. 

Front right couple now wheel left and march to center, 
followed by second right couple. At the same time front 
left couple wheel right and march to center, followed by 
second left couple. The two couples from each side meet 
at center, and by two's wheel back into a straight line of 
eight people (four couples) across stage from left to right, 
all facing audience. In this line of eight abreast they march 
backward up stage to allow the next eight people (two more 
cO'Uples from each side) to form a similar line of eight 
abreast in front of them. This second row of eight, when 
formed, likewise marches backward up stage to allow a third 
row of eight (four from each side) to form a line abreast 
in front of them. This third line marches backward up 
stage to allow still a fourth line' (four from each side) to 
form eight abreast in front of them, and so on until all are 
formed. See Diagram 9. 

In making the above-described figure, all march continu- 
ously until, in the eight-abreast formation, each line has 
backed the required number of steps. 

We will assume that there are six couples of Ladies and 
Men, six Spanish couples, eight Ponies and sixteen Prin- 
cipals in the figure, making forty-eight people. in all, or six 
lines of eight people. The first line to form marches back- 
ward ten steps and halts; second line to form, eight steps 
back ; third line to form, six steps back ; fourth line to form, 
four steps back; fifth line to form, two steps back; sixth 
(or last) line to form, is line nearest footlights when figure 
is completed, and does not march backward, but holds line 
at place of formation. This should be just far enough 
back from footlights to allow space for soloist to work. 
This formation is completed at end of last measure, 2nd 
line, page 3. See Diagram 9. 

Now all take four steps backward (left, right, left, right), 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 33 

and then four steps forward (left, right, left, halt), which 
completes the first verse. See Diagram 9. 

For the first eight measures (16 counts) of the chorus, 
the first, third and fifth rows step in unison, and the sec- 
ond, fourth and sixth rows step in unison. The steps for 
first, third and fifth rows are for the first sixteen counts 
as follows : 

1. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 

2. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 

3. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 

4. Left foot points toward left, level with right foot, 

keeping weight on right foot. 

5. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 

6. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 

7. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 

8. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 

9. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 

10. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 

11. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 

12. Right foot points right, level with left foot ; weight on 

left foot. 

13. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 

14. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 

15. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 

16. Left foot points left, level with right foot. 

The steps for the second, fourth and sixth rows for the 
first sixteen counts are just the reverse of those above, as 
follows : 

1. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 

2. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 

3. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 

4. Right foot points right, level with left foot, keeping 

weight on left foot. 

5. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 

6. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 

7. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 

8. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 

9. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 



34 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

10. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 

11. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 

12. Left foot points left, level with right foot ; weight on 

right foot. 

13. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 

14. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 

15. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 

16. Right foot points right, level with left foot. 

It takes 16 counts (eight measures) to finish the above 
figure. 

Repeat the whole figure, making 16 measures, and thus 
reaching end of 4th measure, 1st line, page 4. 

Beginning 5th measure, 1st line, page 4, the two girls in 
each row nearest center face about and start up stage, form- 
ing two files moving up stage, while the two outer girls of 
each row start toward footlights, forming two files moving 
down. Leader of right center file (going up), turns 
around to her left and follows right outside file (coming 
down), and leader of left center file (going up) turns to 
her right and follows left outside file (coming down), while 
the ends down stage join in the same way and complete the 
two moving ovals or flattened circles, each of which is en- 
circling six men. See Diagram 10. Each circle goes around 
twice. Keep the formation, step and rate of speed uniform. 

While girls are marching around, men all turn to right, 
then to left, one turn to the measure, to end of first chorus. 
These turns must be snappy and uniform. At end of chorus, 
girls in circles should be back to original places and all face 
audience, in position shown in Diagram 9. 

Second Chorus. 

Girls In front row go forward a step, just far enough to 
be clear of mass formation, then face right, girl at right 
end of front row becoming the leader. At same time, girls 
in rear rows move forward. Leader takes file of girls down 
extreme right, then up stage at right side, then across stagq 
to upper left. Girls from second row fall in behind girls 
of first row, first (right) girl of second row following last 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 35 

(left) girl of first row, etc. Each right end girl thus be- 
comes leader of her row. See Diagram 11. When first half 
of this line of girls (the first twelve) is ranged across back 
of stage from right to left, thirteenth girl becomes leader 
for a second line, going back of first line and leading across 
to left, making a second line of twelve girls just behind first 
twelve. All face audience. See Diagram 12. 

While the girls are marching and the men are waiting 
for their turn to start, men bear w^eight on right foot and 
at the same time tap floor lightly, twice, with ball of left 
foot. On second tap, throw weight on to left foot. This 
consumes the two counts of first measure. For second 
m.easure, with weight on left foot tap floor lightly, twice, 
with ball of right foot, lifting foot from floor between the 
taps as high as the time will allow, and hold arms slightly 
curved at sides. On second tap, throw weight on to left 
foot. Continue with this step until time for men to begin 
marching. 

Men in fourth, fifth and sixth lines join on to end of 
line of marching girls, with left end man of sixth line as 
leader. Then fifth line joins on, left end man leading. Then 
fourth line joins on, left end man leading. See Diagram 11. 
March down to extreme right at footlights, turn abruptly, 
march up stage and form oblique line from right end of 
footlights to right end of double row of girls. This will 
presently return to the girls the partners with whom they 
marched in at first. See Diagram 12. 

As men in fourth, fifth and sixth lines start to march, 
men in first, second and third fines also start, led by right 
end man of first line. He marches over to footlights ex- 
treme left, followed by the three men in his line. Second 
line joins on, led by right end man. Third line joins on, 
led by right end man. See Diagram 11. At footlights this 
moving line turns abruptly and goes up stage, forming an 
oblique line from left footlights to left end of double line of 
girls. This will give the girls the same partners with whom 
they marched in at first. See Diagram 12. 

When position is gained by all, men turn toward girls and 



36 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

bow, and girls curtsey to men. All are now as in Dia- 
gram 12. 

Soloist now goes up stage — alone, or with dancing partner 
if she has one — and takes position up center, just in front 
of double rank of girls. As couples form, she keeps at head 
of formation. Men nearest to two lines of girls offer arms 
to girls, take partners and march toward center. Men at 
left offer arms to girls in front rank and as girls accept 
partners this line keeps moving toward left. Men at right 
take partners -from girls in rear rank and this line of girls 
keeps moving right. 

As each man gets his partner the couple marches to center 
and joins in grand march led by soloist, making a procession 
of couples, led by soloist, alone or with partner. She leads 
the march over to right, then down to footlights at the right, 
across stage at footlights to left side, then up left and 
around back, finally forming a circle moving around the 
stage, by reaching rear center just as final couple is joined. 
This circle must be continuous, without any break. Each 
couple should do an extravagant step, adding whatever 
touches they wish to the regulation cake-walk step or "strut," 
which has been explained for Opening Chorus. Uniformity 
is not called for in this walk-around, and each couple can 
''do their stuff" ad lib, simply keeping the circle formation, 
maintaining the rhythm and making it snappy. Each man 
must have his lady at his right. That is, all girls are on 
outside of circle as couples go around stage. 

Continue the walk-around when the curtain is down, so 
that as many curtains as desired may be taken, the perform- 
ers still going around in their grotesque walks or dances. 
The final ascent of the curtain may be just enough to show 
the feet of the people on the stage, and then be dropped 
quickly. 

Should only one chorus be desired, the directions for the 
first chorus may be ignored. 

Soloist. 

Soloist makes her appearance while vamp is playing. 
Come on hurriedly, as if you had great news to tell. Sing 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 37 

the song in an excited, descriptive way, picking out differ- 
ent parts of the audience to whom to sing the different de- 
scriptive phrases. All the time keep moving with a jazzy 
sway, but not so pronounced in the verse as in the chorus. 

Run quickly to center for first phrase, "Listen, brother," 
etc.^ Dash over to left and pick out two different parts of 
audience, upstairs and down, to sing "Hurry, brother," etc., 
and "Fix yourself for action," etc. Work toward center 
for "Miss Malindy" etc. and "So wear" etc. Then run to 
right for "What will happen" etc. To center again for 
"Just take a tip" etc., and gradually increase the syncopated 
action as you approach chorus. In the vernacular, you must 
slam it to 'em right over the footlights. 

Unless the director knows the soloist is a sure-fire per- 
former in this kind of singing and action, it will help greatly 
to insure the success of this number to assign a special 
partner to soloist for chorus. It is always pleasing, any- 
way. With the ensemble singing of chorus, soloist is re- 
lieved from singing and can concentrate on comedy action. 

The partner should be an eccentric comedian, and an 
effective entrance can be made from one of the theatre 
boxes, or down the aisle from the audience and up over 
the footlights. The following business is suggested. Partner 
appears at beginning of first chorus. They do an eccentric 
walk or dance step from one side of stage to the other, the 
more extravagant the better. He walks backward, soloist 
following him, and he swings her around at the turns. If 
he is athletic enough he can lift her clear of the stage as 
he swings her around. Have orchestra make trick noises 
for turns, swings, kicks, etc. 

For second cross-over, she leads, walking backward, and 
he follows, with his hands outstretched to her waist, doing 
extravagant walk after her. At next turn, he swings her 
<• round violently. She can stop to powder her nose and rouge 
her cheeks and lips, whereupon he takes perfume atomizer 
from his pocket and pretends to spray his hair. She can 
wear a bunch of carrots or a sunflower as corsage bouquet, 
and give it to him. He picks them oft' one at a time, doing 



38 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

"She loves me, she loves me not," etc., while she takes vanity 
case and powders nose and reddens cheeks and lips. He 
looks up and sees she is paying nO' attention. He goes sadly 
over to side of stage. Someone hands him a hammer from 
the wings, and he strikes his fist against his head while with 
other hand he bangs hammer against proscenium. He leans, 
gasping, against proscenium. He half opens his eyes to see 
how it affects her. She takes a chocolate from vanity case, 
eats it, fixes her hair, smiles at imaginary person in audi- 
ence, etc. He is disgusted, throws hammer away and goes 
over to see at whom she is smiling. He is very jealous and 
angry. When he reaches her side she looks at him after a 
little, and smiles. Immediately he changes, grins broadly, 
offers his arm and they resume their dance. 

For second chorus, they cake-walk from side to side and 
then up stage, and take position at center just in front of 
girls' double line. They then lead the march obliquely to 
footlights down right, cross to left, then complete the circle, 
and continue cake-walk to curtain. 



GRAND FINALE. 

Chorus People. 

The music is the finale of Denison's Minstrel Opening 
Chorus and Finale Number Two. 

At the moment the music starts, all chorus members start 
forming a single line, with Wives leading, then Slaves, 
then Tourists. This line, led by Wives in single file, starts 
from upper right at beginning of singing, goes down right 
to footlights and then across stage from right to left at 
footlights. Form lines across stage. Number of lines de- 
pends on width of stage and size of chorus. Director must 
determine how many people to the line. When one line is 
completed, a second line forms behind them, crossing from 
right to left, and so on if necessary. Wives go in front. 
Move rapidly enough to have these lines formed across stage 
by "We II all zvait anxiously/' 3rd measure, 1st line, page 9. 
Lines now part at center and make an opening wide enough 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 39 

for Principals to come through, two abreast. Chorus 
people at right turn and face center with left arm extended 
full length toward center, extended obliquely up so that 
hand is above head, while those left turn and face center 
with right arm raised in same manner. Hold this position 
until Pansy and Rose come through opening and reach 
footlights. Then face front, with hands down. On 2nd 
measure, 4th line, page 9, ''say," all raise both hands full 
length of arms over heads, palms of hands toward audience, 
and shake their hands in the air until curtain is down. 
Don't forget the smile ! 

Principals. 

At beginning of singing, El Goofus and Gazook march 
down to footlights, one at extreme right and the other at 
extreme left. They face and raise arm same as Chorus, 
but do not march with Chorus. When music starts. Pansy, 
Jakie, Bayuda, Mud Pie Girl, Southern Girl, Chinese 
Girl, Rube Girl, French Girl, Jack and Rose go upstage 
and form a line across stage back of marching Chorus, 
taking places in the order named from right to left. 

On 5th measure, 1st line, page 9, Southern and Chi- 
nese couple go through center opening, and on reaching 
footlights. Southern Girl goes toward right, in front of 
Chorus, and Chinese Girl goes toward left. Mud Pie 
Girl and Rube Girl follow them closely through center 
opening and reach footlights one measure after them. That 
is, if Southern and Chinese couple reach foot lights at, 
say, 4th measure, 2nd line, page 9, Mud Pie and Rube couple 
reach footlights at 5th measure, 2nd line, page 9, Mud Pie 
Girl going right and Rube Girl going left. Then Bayuda 
and French Girl come through center to footlights at 1st 
measure, 3rd line, page 9, Bayuda going right and French 
Girl going left. Jakie and Jack come through center and 
reach footlights at 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 9. Jakie 
goes just a little to right and Jack just a little to left. Then 
Pansy and Rose come through center and reach footlights 
at 3rd measure, 3rd Hne, page 9. 



40 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

We now have, in a new line nearest the foothghts, the 
Principals in this order: (Right) Gazook, Southern 
Girl, Mud Pie Girl, Bayuda, Jakie, Pansy, (center) 
Rose, Jack, French Girl, Rube Girl, Chinese Girl, El 
GooFus (Left.) This hne is complete at 4th measure, 3rd 
line, page 9. 

On the final word, ''say," page 9, all extend both arms at 
full length over heads, palms toward audience, and shake 
their hands to audience until the curtain is down. Don't 
forget the smile ! 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 



Part One. 

"ON WITH THE PLAY !" 

Scene: The hare stage of a theatre showing brick wall 
at back, and miscellaneous wings, wood and interior, set in 
haphazard fashion right and left. A rear drop {any scene) 
is ready to be lowered a few seconds after singing starts. 
(This is to improve voice qualities after registering the bare 
stage scene.) Plain table and tzvo plain chairs are in wings, 
first left entrance, ready to be pulled on after opening 
chorus. Some old furniture is piled at back. Various stage 
properties are scattered in confusion. 

Lights : Up full throughout, or use spot light with stage 
lights down for solos ad lib. 

At end of ten measures of introductory music {imme- 
diately following the "break''), curtain goes up very quick- 
ly, with Ponies on stage, dancing and singing. 

Ponies (sing). This is a night of revelry, 

Of songs and jokes and laughter; 
Our good impressions, let us hope, 
Will live with you hereafter. 

Ladies and Men begin entering. All join in singing as they 

enter. 
All (continue singing). 

We're here to please the young and old, 

The merchants and the pastors. 
By warbling bits of old time songs 
That stick like porous plasters. 
(See Diagram 1 for Positions.) 
41 



42 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Grey enters grandly, down right. 

Grey (sings). We'll borrow from the masters. 
All (sing). We'll borrow from the masters. 

Madame enters doum left. Slight pause. See Diagram 2 
for positions. 

Madame (sings). 'Tis the last rose of summer, 
Left blooming alone ; 
All her lovely companions, 
Are faded and gone. 
All (sing). Too slow! Too slow! 

These people paid their dough. 

They want some ''pep" so watch your step, 

Now come on, friends, let's go. 

— Let us go, let us go, let us go! 

Toreadors and Senoritas begin entering. 

All (continue singing). 

Toreador, on guard now, 
Toreador, Toreador! 

(For positions see Diagram 3.) 

And think when in danger thou shalt be, 
Dark eyes gaze and adore. 
Not so bad, it could be worse, 

And still it might be better. 
The best is none too good when it's 

Not quite up to the letter. 

(For positions, see Diagram 4.) 

The young folks like the jazzy rags. 

The old folks like the sad ones. 
You'll have to take just what we give, 

The good ones with the bad ones. 

All Men (sing). 

The good ones with the bad ones. 
(For positions, see Diagram 5.) 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 43 

All (sing). 

Let us sing, let us sing a brand new thing 
Let us sing a song worth featuring; 
Let us sing, let us sing a brand new thing, 
Come, let us sing, let us sing. 

All Men (sing). 

Something new with ginger in it, 
Something really worth the while; 

All Ladies (sing). 

Something right up to the minute. 
Try and make them smile. 

All (sing). 

Let us sing; let us sing; 

Let us sing, let us sing, let us sing, 

(For positions, see Diagram 6.) 

Willie Willie Wictum was the victim 

Of a village belle. 
His Johanna played piano, 

Murdered William Tell. 
Poor Beethoven, interwoven 

With her shot and shell 
Drove poor Willie silly till he 

Landed in a cell. 

In a padded cell! 
Drove poor Willy silly till he, 
Like a crazy daffy dilly, 

Landed somewhere in a cell, 

Far away from William Tell, 
(Shout.) In a cell! — In a cell! — 

In a cell, in a cell, in a cell ! 
(Sing.) If we don't make a hit with you 

We'll land in a cell. — Farewell ! 

(For positions, see Diagram 7.) 



44 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

(Note: Do not take encore under any circumstances. 
The show must start zmth a rush. The unexpected appear- 
ance of Driver in audience will hush the applause.) 

At the moment the music stops, Driver jumps up from 
his seat in the front row in the audience. 

'DmwER {shouts). Rotten! Oh, that was terrible ! Why 
don't you put some pep into it? (Chorus Members look 
angrily at him and whisper among themselves.) What were 
you singing, anyway? 

A Pony. Why, Mr. Driver, that was the opening chorus. 

Driver. The opening chorus? It sounded hke the 
funeral march from Tannhauser ! Who are you ? 

A Pony. I'm one of the ponies. 

Driver. A pony? W^ell, we're putting on a musical 
comedy, not a wild west show. {Going up steps on to stage 
with manuscript in hand.) Come on, now! Clear the stage, 
all of you ! Back to the gymnasium with the rest of the 
dumb-bells ! 

(Chorus Members all hasten from the stage in disorderly 

fashion.) 

Driver {as he reaches center of stage, turns and calls 
sharply). Props! Oh, Props ! 

Willie {off right, in lasy, drawling voice). Well, what's 
the trouble ? What's the trouble ? 

Driver. Turn on some more lights! 

Willie {off stage). Say, what's the matter with the 
electrician? Ain't he allowed to do some work no more? 

Driver {impatiently). Come, come; turn 'em on. I 
can't wait for him. {Crosses left.) 

Willie {off stage) . Say, I'm liable to get a shock, ain't I ? 

Driver. Yes, and so am I if I ever catch you working. 
{Gets table and chairs from left zvings and places them 
dozmi left.) 

Willie {off stage, sulkily). Aw, gee, you make me sick! 

Willie Jump enters down right. His hands are thrust in 
his "jumper^'; he walks zvith shuffling feet. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 45 

Driver {goes to table, on which he lays manuscript, takes 
out his zmtch, looks at it,- frowning). Ten o'clock and the 
principals not here yet. 

Willie. Well, that's what you git for callin' rehearsals 
for the middle of the night. 

Driver {viciously snaps watch shut, pockets it, then pulls 
out a cigar; lights it while speaking). This is ten a. m., 
Mr. Jump. Ten a. m. See? 

Willie. Well, ain't that the middle of the night? And 
another thing, Mr. Driver. I want you to understand that 
I am a union man. I belong to the union and Fm working 
sixteen hours a day. 

Driver. Eight hours. 

Willie. I say sixteen hours. I work sixteen hours a day. 

Driver. Then you're not a good union man. Union 
men only work eight hours a day. 

Willie. Well, I belong to two unions. What kind of 
a show is this, anyway? 

Driver (tapping manuscript) . That reminds me. In this 
alleged play, the heroine is lost in a snow storm and is at- 
tacked by wolves. Now, what are we going to do about 
howls ? 

Willie. Oh, don't worry. After the first act the audi- 
ence won't do a thing but howl. 

Driver. That'll be enough from you. I don't wish you 
any bad luck or anything, but I only hope some day you 
have to put on a home talent musical comedy yourself. 
That's all. 

Willie. Oh, is that so? What's the matter with the 
job? 

Driver. A lot of the cast got mad at me and quit, and 
we have a lot of new ones coming this morning to rehearse. 

Willie. Well, I'd hand in my resignation myself right 
now, if it wasn't for one thing. 

Driver. And what's the one thine? 

Willie. I'm afraid I'd lose my job. (Exits dozvn left.) 
(Driver laughs.) 



46 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Enter Percy Penn, briskly, up right, with a roll of manu- 
script. 

Penn (cheerily). Ah, good morning, Mr. Driver. Hope 
I'm not late. (Looking at watch.) 

Driver (half sitting on table and puffing hard on cigar). 
Late? You? What for? 

Penn. Why, for the rehearsal, of course. 

Driver (in seeming surprise). Why, you didn't come 
for the rehearsal, did you? 

Penn. Certainly I did. 

Driver. You haven't anything to rehearse. 

Penn (aghast). Why, Pm — Pm the — author. 

Driver (putting one finger on lips and glancing cautious- 
ly all about). Hush! Not so loud. Somebody might hear 
you. 

Penn. Well, It's nothing to be ashamed of, Pm sure. 
Furthermore, this thing (tapping manuscript) is merely a 
beginning. I am now engaged in writing a play for — (name 
some very prominent manager). 

Driver (sarcastically). Um! I wonder what he'll say 
when he finds it out? 

(Loud shout of warning from- off stage and then a piece of 
scenery falls. Penn jumps just in time to escape it.) 

PeHin (to Driver, excitedly). By Jove! Did you see 
that? That fellow is beastly careless! 

Driver (dryly). I should say he is.- If he can't hit you 
the next time, I'll fire him. (Picks up fallen scenery and 
sets it to one side.) 

Many voices heard off stage and amid much confusion, 
bustle, chattering, laughing, etc., the follozmng characters 
enter from^ various entrances, at the right — Tottie Twin- 
KLETOES, Jane Gabb, Ima Goodwin, John Draw Knott, 
Eddie Offkee. Seldom Hurd, Lustie Tenner, Willie 
Discord and some chorus Men and Ladies in street attire. 

Driver. Say, where you folks been, anyway? Do you 
think this is a sewing society? 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 47 

Offkee (stepping forward daintily, speaking in a gentle 
tone of voice and zvith perfect pronunciation). Begging 
your pardon, sir, and after a most minute scrutiny of my 
wristwatch, I beg leave to say that I — 

Driver {interrupting). Oh, cut it! I say you are late, 
and that goes as it lays ! 

Knott. What's the difference? A mere matter of a 
minute or two, y' know. 

Driver. And the same goes for you, Mr. John Draw 
Knott. 

Ima {stepping fornfard and smiling szveetly, to Driver). 
Are you angry at me, Mr. Driver? 

Driver. You? Angry at you? Nothing like it. Be- 
sides you were not late, Miss Goodwin. {He beams at her. 
At this there is a general murmur, exclamations, and one or 
two laugh loudly. Driver frowns, glances severely; they 
subside and group about stage.) 

Willie enters from the left. 

Penn (going to center). Mr. Driver, now that the com- 
pany are all here, I suggest that rehearsals start immediately. 

Driver (sarcastically) . Oh, you do, eh? 

Penn. Yes sir. I have an engagement to lunch with a 
lady at twelve sharp. 

Driver. Oh, she'll wait for you. 

Penn. How do you know? 

Driver. She waited for me. (All laugh at the thrust.) 

Penn (to Driver). But, I say, Mr. Driver — 

Driver. Young man, rehearsals in this theatre start 
when / say, not you. 

Penn (to Driver, haughtily). You forget that I am the 
author, sir. 

Driver. No, I don't. You won't let me forget. But 
to make certain that I won't forget that you are the author 
I will have you removed. (To Willie.) Props, be kind 
enough to throw this rising young author down the nearest 
stairway, so that he will be convinced that he has ample 



48 tHE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

opportunity to rise again. (During Driver's speech Willie 
takes position beside Penn.) 

Willie (grabbing Penn by coat collar and seat of 
trousers). Here is where I don't have to show a union 
card. (Runs Penn off right, then noise of falling body is 
heard. All exclaim and laugh.) 

Driver. Now, then, we can begin. (Addressing the 
Chorus Ladies and Men.) You folks haven't anything to 
do* for a while, so you may go. 

Offkee (stepping forward). The quartette has a scene 
in the first act, haven't we ? 

Driver. Yes, I believe so. I'll tell you what you could 
do, though. You can sing where the wolves chase the 
heroine, and it'll sound near enough like wolves howling to 
fool the audience. 

(All Chorus people, except the Quartette, exeunt. All 
principals exeunt except Driver, Grey and Jane, who sit 
at table and observe quartette specialty.) 

Specialty by Quartette: "In the Evening by the Moon- 
light, Long Ago." (Sing first verse and chorus only; for 
encore, repeat chorus. Quartette exeunt right at conclu- 
sion.) 

Grey (to Driver). Speaking for myself, sir — 

Driver. Oh, you're always speaking for yourself. 

Grey. As one who has appeared on the professional as 
well as the amateur stage, I merely wanted to inquire if 
there is to be any real food on the table in the banquet 
scene ? 

Driver. Certainly. Real food. 

Grey. Then I object, sir. 

Driver. You object. Why, the rest of the company are 
delighted at the idea of having real food. 

Grey. Yes ; but my part requires me to rise from the 
table after a couple of mouth fuls and say (very dramatical- 
ly) : "I cannot eat tonight. A strange dread comes over me ; 
I will seek the quiet of yonder conservatory for a time." 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 49 

Driver. Well, that's the fault of the author. Now, 
folks, we'll get busy with Act One. 

Jane {to Driver). Pardon me, Mr. Driver, but do I 
"do" characters in this? 

Driver. Say, what do you expect to do with a face like 
yours? Entice men from home? 

Jane {sighing). Well, I did think I might get something 
more in my **type" this time — more girlish, you know. 

Driver {sarcastically). Oh, is that so! {Picks up manu- 
script.) Here is the bunch of trouble, folks. {Surveys it, 
dubiously.) 

ToTTiE enters, with candy box under her arm. 

Tottie {to Driver). Say, Mr. Driver, I was thinking. 

Driver {resignedly). Well, Miss Twinkletoes, what's on 
your mind ? I suppose you've got some other kick coming. 
Maybe you'd like real moonshine in the banquet scene, and 
an automobile to call for and deliver you after every per- 
formance? 

Tottie {szifeetly). Oh, no, sir. I was merely wonder- 
ing when that wonderful new musician was going to show 
up for rehearsal. 

Driver {looking about quickly). Bless my soul! Say, 
I never thought about him. 

Tottie. Well, I'm going to see if my new costume has 
come. 

Driver. Your new costume? I thought that was what 
you had in the box. 

Tottie {opening candy box, taking out a piece and eating 
it as she goes) . The idea ! {Exits left:) 

DeMun enters, shyly and hesitantly, from the right. He 
carries a violin tucked under his arm. 
Driver {seeing DeMun). I don't know what it is, but 
it looks like trouble. {Fiercely.) Well! What do you 
want? (DeMun smiles and boms graciously.) I said, 
what do you want? (DeMun continues smiling and bond- 
ing.) Can't you understand English? {Same business by 
DeMun, zuho then holds forzmrd his violin, significantly.) 



50 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Oh, you're the new musician? (DeMun nods.) You 
scrape-a da fid'? (DeMun shows great delight.) Well, I'm 
from Missouri. Go ahead and make-a da muse' ! 

Violin solo by DeMun. While orchestra plays 
introduction, Grey and Jane casually stroll off stage. 
Driver sits on edge of table and listens critically 
during specialty. At conclusion, DeMun hows and exits 
dozim right. After specialty, Penn enters excitedly up 
right. His hair is disheveled and one cuff is blackened. 
During the next feiv speeches the follownng stroll on the 
stage, as though curious to see what is going on : Madame, 
Knott, Grey, Ima and Willie. 

Penn (appealingly, to Driver). Mr. Driver, I protest. 
I protest, sir. 

Driver. That's two protests. 

Penn. I have two coming. I protest against being 
thrown down stairs, and again I protest against that Dago 
playing his fiddle and interrupting this rehearsal. (Willie 
moves right of Penn.) 

Driver. Anything else? 

Penn (showing soiled cuff). Yes, look at that cufif. 
Clean this very morning, sir. 

Driver. You should have thought of these before you 
wrote this play. Props, throw the young author down stairs 
again. 

Willie (seidng Penn. addresses Driver). Down the 
same stairs? 

Driver. Certainly. Use no other — and beware of imita- 
tions. 

Willie {to Penn). Come on. (Runs Penn off right. 
Noise of falling body, folloiifed by loud crash of broken 
glass. As Willie runs Penn off, all turn and look after 
him, shozving delight at Penn^s ejection.) 

Driver. He's discovered a new route this trip. 

Madame (turning to Driver). Has that young man 
ever done you any wrong? 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 51 

Driver. He has. He wrote this. {Tapping manu- 
script.) 

Knott. I say, Mr. Driver, what's this play about, any- 
way? 

Driver. It's about the worst I ever read. But if you 
will all gather about me, I'll try to give you a brief outline 
of it. (They all fonn a half circle about him as he sits on 
table, manuscript in hand, preparing to read.) 

Enter Mrs. Sippy from left. She has a pail in one hand 
and a scrubbing brush in the other. The pail may contain 
fine salt instead of abater if desired. She moves within easy 
distance of the group and throws out a quantity of water 
{or salt) on floor, supposedly on their feet; then she drops 
down on knees and mgorously begins to scrub floor. The 
persons struck with water jump and exclaim angrily. She 
continues to' ply brush, until — 

Driver {angrily). Here, here, Mrs. Sippy. What do you 
think you are doing? 

Mrs. S. {looking up innocently, speaking with marked 
Irish brogue). What do I think I'm doin'? B'gorry, I 
know what I'm doin' — an' that's more than the crazy loikes 
of yez do. 

Driver. Well, you can't scrub now. 

Mrs. S. Oh, can't I? Watch me. {Vigorously plies 
brush.) 

Madame {indignantly). This is an outrage. My gown 
will be utterly ruined. 

Driver {to Mrs. S., soothingly). There, there, my good 
woman — 

Mrs. S. {stops scrubbing and looks up atjiim). I'm not 
your good woman, and ye know it ! 

Driver {coaxingly). Now, please go. We have a re- 
hearsal. 

Mrs. S. Yes, an' I have a scrubbin'. 

Driver. I'll f^x you. {Calls sharply.) Props! Oh, 



Props 



Willie enters from right. 



5^ THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Willie (snarling). Well, now what's the trouble? 

Driver (pointing to Mrs. S.)- Please remove the Irish 
person. 

Willie (looking at Mrs. S., grinning; she gets to her feet, 
rolls up sleeves and assumes a belligerent attitude). What? 
Throw her out? The line's busy. Hang up your receiver. 

Mrs. S. (threateningly). Yes, come on an' start some- 
thin', you little uncooked shrimp ! 

Driver (to Willie). See! She called you an uncooked 
shrimp. 

Willie. I don't care. I'm anythin' she says, I am, and a 
couple of things besides. I throw out authors, but I draw 
the Hne at the likes of her. (Slouches off, left.) 

Madame (stepping forward; to Mrs. S.). My dear, 
please retire. Our rehearsal must go on. 

Mrs. S. (smiling sweetly at Madame). Oh, if yez ask 
as one lady to another, I couldn't very well refuse. 

Grey (stepping forward; to Mrs. S.). It must be hard 
to occupy the position in life you do. Wouldn't you like to 
be an actor? 

Mrs. S. (to Grey, quickly). Yes — wouldn't you? (Gen- 
eral laugh, as she exits left.) 

Driver (with a sigh of relief, picking up manuscript) . 
Ladies and gentlemen, the title of this thing the author has 
the effrontery to call a play is, "The Lighthouse by the 
Sea." 

Grey. Speaking for myself, I don't care for the title. 

Driver. What's wrong with it? 

Grey. Speaking for myself, and much to my sublime 
sorrow, I have seen too many ^'light houses" in my career. 

Driver. Enough. Let's get busy. First -act calls for 
an interior set. Practical door and window at back and 
door right and left. (Calls sharply.) Willie! I say, 
Willie ! 

Willie (off left). Well? 

Driver. Come here. 

Willie enters from left. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 53 

Driver (to Willie). Give us an interior. Practical 
door and window back and door right and left— quick! 

Willie (sarcastically). Say, you don't want much quick, 
do you? Wouldn't care for a couple of practical broiled 
lobsters and a case of champagne right and left, would you 

quick? rr-l 1 1- A 

Driver. Don't get sarcastic. Hurry up. The ladies and 
gentlemen are waiting. . 

Willie. Let 'em wait. They're better waiters than 

actors, anyhow. ^ ,i ^ 

Driver (impatiently). Come, come; do we get ttie set 

or not ? , • 1 1 

Willie. You dcK-not! I don't get paid any salary 
around this place, and you don't get somethm' from me till 
I do. Will you let me have two dollars till Saturday ; 

Driver. I will not. 

Willie. Why? . 

Driver. Because you aren't going to be here till batur- 

^WiLLiE. Good night! (Exits right, whistling mourn- 
fully.) 

Driver. Good riddance! 

Knott. I say, Mr. Driver, you have no comedian in 

this play. . , . t^ x 

Driver. Oh, yes, we have. (Looking at Knott from 
head to foot.) You're the funniest thing I ever saw. 

Knott. Why, I'm no comedian. 

Driver. Oh, yes, you are— but you don't know it. 
(Knott stares at him, and the others titter.) 

Driver (turning page of manuscript). Oh, yes, here 
we are. (Reading.) "Gladys Dashleigh." (To Madame.) 
Your first entrance is in a riding habit. The habit is in- 
tended to show your figure to every advantage. 

Knott. I'd call that a rather bad habit. 

Madame (coldly). I suggest, Mr. Driver, that Mr. Knott 
be muzzled. . _ 

Driver. And I suggest that this is getting to be a hne 



54 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

morning for a murder. (Referring to manuscript.) 
"Gladys Dashleigh dashes down the street on her coal black 
steed — " 

Madame (interrupting, to Driver). Mr. Driver, I never 
rode a horse in my life, coal black or any other color. Why 
can't I dash down the street in my motor car? 

Driver (testily). Suffering caterpillars! I didn't write 
this thing. Besides, madam, the horse is supposed to run 
away and throw you sixteen ways for Sunday. 

Madame (springing to her feet with a half shriek). 
What — I? Madame Whereami, the leader of — (localize) 
social circles, thrown from a horse? Never! Never! I 
resign from this entertainment on the spot, sir! 

Driver (soothingly). There, there, madam. You are 
not actually thrown, you know — merely in the play, that's 
all. Then you are picked up and carried into the cottage. 

Madame (still ruffled). I am, am I? Picked up and 
carried, am I ? And who picks me up and carries me, may 
I ask? 

Driver. What difference does it make? You don't 
know it. 

Madame. And why don't I know it? 

Driver. You are unconscious. 

Madame. Oh, I'm unconscious, am I? I don't know 
what I am doing when I make my first appearance? Is 
that it? 

Driver. You don't know what you're doing most of the 
time, anyhow. But we'll never get anywhere at this rate. 
(To Ima.) Miss Goodwin, you haven't much to do in the 
first act except look pretty. 

Ima (smilingly). Isn't that splendid! I won't need no 
make up, then, will I? 

Driver (dryly). No — nothing except your face. (She 
exhibits anger at his thrust.) There appears to be a vast 
amount of ''much ado about nothing" in this so-called play, 
and the only way I know is for everyone to get off the 
stage while I try to whip it into shape. You must all do a 
specialty, to liven up things, and — 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 55 

Madame (rising with outraged air). Mr. Driver! You 
forget yourself! First you. ask me to dash down the street 
on a horse, be thrown from it, be carried on the stage, and 
now to cap the awful climax, you intimate that I do a song 
and dance. Never ! I resign from this entertainment on the 
spot, sir! 

Driver {to Madame). Don't get ''up stage" with me. I 
don't care a rap whether you dO' a song and dance or a bal- 
loon ascension, but you've got to do something or there ain't 
a-going to be no show. Now clear the stage — everybody! 
When I want you, listen for your cue — that's all. I'll see 
about this next set. Shoo! (Driver shoos them off right 
as he would a flock of chickens and he follows.) 

Specialty, by Jane, in funny Spanish costume, "Carmen, 
She was Absolutely Charmin'." Sing one verse and chorus, 
then bring on Senoritas and Toreadors and repeat chorus, 
all doing a Spanish dance and joining in the repeat. Use 
additional chorus people if desired. All exeunt at finish. 

After specialty. Driver enters from right and starts for 
table. A knocking is heard off right. Driver sits at table, 
starts to read manuscript. Willie enters from right. 

Willie. There's a couple of dames outside who desire 
to hold a personal gabfest with your royal highness. 

Driver (impatiently). Haven't time. Tell 'em I'm — 
say, what do they look like ? 

Willie. They look like the deuce, if you're askin' me. 
Want to see 'em? 

Driver (wearily). Oh, I suppose so. Show 'em in. 

Willie (calls off right). Say, you — this way! 

Mrs. Pest and Camille enter from up right. 

Willie (pointing at Driver). There's the guy. Help 
yourself. 

Mrs. Pest (to Driver). I understand there's an open- 
ing here for an actress. 

Driver. Yes, madam. There are several openings. One 
just behind you. Please don't slam the door as you go out. 



56 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Camille (gushing). Oh, you don't understand, sir. My 
mother means that I am desirous of going on the stage. 

Mrs. Pest. Yes, Mr. Driver — you are Mr. Driver, I 
take it? — ^my daughter has talent, and I am extremely anx- 
ious to have it developed professionally. I have plenty of 
money and I will spend it to further her ambition. (Driver 
whirls about as she mentions money, faints and falls into 
the arms of Willie. Th'e women stare in amazement.) 

Willie {to Mrs. Pest). Nov^ youVe done it. 

Mrs. Pest. Why, what's the trouble with the poor gen- 
tleman ? 

Willie. He heard you say "money" and the blow almost 
killed him. 

Driver {slowly recovering and half supported by 
Willie). I suppose it's time to get up, but Fd like to sleep 
another hour or two. {Yawfts and stretches.) 

Willie {slapping Driver on back). Come on. Where 
do you think you are, anyhow ? 

Driver {now recovered, to Mrs. Pest). Did you just 
come in, or are you on your way out? 

Willie {aside to Driver). Nix! She's the lady with 
money: 

Driver {excitedly). Money? {To Willie.) Get a 
seat for the ladies. No get two seats — and a pair of hand- 
cuffs. 

(Driver and Willie dash mxidly to the pile of furniture, 
get a couple of easy chairs, rush dozmi center, dust them off 
vigorously with their cap and handkerchief, and then bow 
lozv as the women sit down.) 

Driver {to Willie). You run along and spin your top. 
(Willie exits right, looking over his shoulder and grin- 
ning.) 

Mrs. Pest. You see, my daughter is crazy to go on the 
professional stage. 

Driver. She must be. 

Mrs. Pest. Sir! 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 57 

Driver (quickly). I mean to say she looks the part. 
(Aside.) Oh, Lord, that's still worse. 

Mrs. Pest. Oh, I almost forgot to mention my name to 
you. I am Mrs. Pest, and this, — this is my daughter, 
Camille. You can judge she has talent by her name. 
Camille! (Sighs profoundly.) Did you ever see Camille 
die, Mr. Driver? 

Driver (seemingly alarmed). No, does she die often? 

Mrs. Pest. Oh, you misunderstand me. I was refer- 
ring to Camille in the play of the same name. 

Driver. Oh, I get you now. You say your daughter has 
talent. 

Mrs. Pest. Yes, splendid talent. And I — I have the 
money. (Toys urith hag.) How m.uch would you charge 
to place my daughter on the professional stage? 

Driver (dubiously), I don't know. How much have 
you got? 

Mrs. Pest. I brought a thousand dollars with me, and — 

Driver (interrupting quickly). Strange. Exactly the 
amount I was about to name. 

Camille (to Driver). And what is my salary to be, Mr. 
Driver? 

Driver (carelessly). Oh, five hundred per. 

Camille (excitedly). What! Five hundred per week? 

Driver. No. Five hundred perhaps. 

Mrs. Pest (to Camille). We will leave the salary to 
Mr. Driver, dear. 

Driver. Sure. Leave it to me. (Aside.) You might 
as well. I'll get it anyway. (Briskly,) Now we'll have to 
get down to brass tacks, ladies. I have a rehearsal on now 
and the young lady is just in time to get a part. (Women 
rise to feet.) 

Camille (eagerly). And what do I do, Mr. Driver? 

Driver. What is the best thing you do besides eat? 

Camille. I sing and recite. 

Driver. Any other bad habits? 

Mrs. Pest. Sir! 

Driver. No harm intended, ma'am. Absent-minded at 



58 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

times, you know. {To Camille.) Would you mind recit- 
ing something? 

(Camille goes to position dozvn center, zvliile Driver 
draws chairs left and sits, first hozving Mrs. Pest into a 
seat beside him.) 

Camille {recites, in stilted, burlesque manner, with ab- 
surd gestures). 

England's sun was slowly setting o'er the hills so far 

away, 
Filling all the land with beauty — 

Willie has entered from the right, carrying hammer, 
nails and several boards which he thrones on the stage, mak- 
ing as much noise as possible. Camille stops, turns and 
glares at him, and she begins again. 

Camille. 

England's sun was slowly setting o'er the hills so 

far away, 
Filling all the land with beauty — 

(Willie has started to nail tnx) boards together, and 
she gradually raises her voice to a shout, in order to be 
heard.) 

— At the close of one sad day ; 

And the last rays kissed the forehead of a son and 

maiden fair, 
He with steps so slow and weakened, she with sunny 

floating hair ; 
He with sad, bowed head and thoughtful, she with — 

(Willie continues to hammer, and in despair she gives 
up and looks tozt^ard Driver. Willie at this moment stops 
hammering and, ignoring her presence, surveys his work 
critically.) 

Camille {to Driver). Mr. Driver, you said I could re- 
cite. 

Driver (grinning). No, I didn't. You said you could. 
I had my doubts all along. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 59 

Mrs. Pest {to Driver). She is referring to that awful 
man and his hammering. - (Willie zMstles a cheerful 
tune.) Perhaps you'd Hke to hear her sing. I sent her 
clear to Paris to study. (Willie exits, right.) 

Driver. You should have sent her further than that, 
madam. 

Mrs. Pest. Where to? 

Driver. I refuse to answer. 

Specialty by Camille, ''The Sunbeam and the Moon- 
beam.'' Male, female or mixed chorus m^y be introduced 
to sing the chorus repeat, or a quartette may be used. She 
sings it straight, not for comedy. Be sure to have at least 
four voices to harmonize the chorus repeat. Mrs. Pest and 
Driver exeunt as she starts the song. After song, Camille 
and Chorus exeunt. 

{Note : For the follounng scene, if Knott and Ima can- 
not sing the duet, any other couple from the cast or chorus 
may have these lines and this specialty assigned to them 
instead. ) 

Ima enters left with Knott ivalking after her quickly. 

Ima {bashfully) . Oh, Mr. Knott, you shouldn't do that. 

Knott. Why not? 

Ima. Somebody might be looking. 

Knott. .All right; I won't. {He tries to kiss her. She 
dodges. ) 

Ima. What first gave you the idea that you'd like to sit 
opposite me at the breakfast table and watch me pour your 
coffee ? 

Knott. I don't know what gave me the idea. But I 
have it, and I can't get rid of it. 

Ima. But this is so sudden ! And what will all the other 
girls say? 

Knott. It makes no difference to me what they say. I 
don't care what happens, just as long as I have you. 

Duet by Knott and Ima, ''As Long As I Have You" 



60 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

each singing alternate lines of the verse, and the chorus in 
harmony, as follows : 

Knott. 

I always wanted to be all alone. 

I MA. 

But that was before I met you. 
Knott. 

I valued nobody's thoughts but my own. 
Ima. 

But that was before I met you. 
Knott. 

You changed my whole life, so it seems, 
Ima. 

Realities fade into dreams. 
Both {harmonize). 

Let the sweet perfume of each rose in bloom 

Fade away with the morning dew. 
Let the silv'ry moon of each night in June 

Shine no more up in heaven's blue. 
Take the golden glow from the scenes we know, 
Take the rainbows and air-castles, too. 
Knott. 

Let them all disappear, 
I'm contented right here, 
Both. 

Just as long as I have you. 

(// second verse is used, Knott sings first and second 
lines, Ima sings third and fourth, and Knott fifth and sixth, 
repeating the chorus in harmony as before. At conclusion 
of specialty, both exeunt.) 

After specialty, Hiram enters timidly from up right. He 
looks around cautiously as he enters, and appears timid and 
uncertain. Then he sees something off left that appears to 
attract his attention and he stands still, looking intently off 
left, takes off his hat, wipes off the band with his bandana 
handkerchief and grins. Willie enters down right, carry- 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 



61 



ing a step-ladder on his shoulder, and whistling. He 'nearly 
bumps Hiram zidth the ladder. 

Willie (shouts). Hey! ^ , , -. u 

Hiram (startled, whirls around). Gosh durn it, why 
don't you blow y'r horn ? ... 

Willie. Well, look what the cat drug ni ! 

Hiram. Hey, young feller, be this the opry house? 

Willie. What do you think it is, a livery stable? 

Hiram. Be this the place where they're fixm' to put on 

3. concert 

Willie. I guess you're in the right stall. Where did 

you blow in from ? , • r 

Hiram. Me and mv boy Hank drove clean m from 
Dingville (or mention nearby rural tozvn) to see the sights 
and I wanted to find out whether it was a good, moral dram- 
mer for mv boy to see. This here, ain't no burleycue, is it ^ 

Willie.' Burleycue? This? Not on y'r life! 

Hiram (disappointed). I was afraid not. Durn mv 
luck, anyhow! Well, I'll have to git tickets f'r me an 
Hank, I reckon. 

Driver enters briskly from the left. 

Driver. Well, well! What's this? (Looks at nmAU.) 
It's against the rules to admit strangers on the stage of this 
theater. . . , 

Hiram. Gosh all hemlock, mister ! I am t aimm to— 

Penn enters excitedly from the right. Willie exits left. 
Penx. Mr. Driver! You are ruining my play! This 
thing has gone far enough. 

Driver. It's gone too far. (Calls sharply.) "Props! 

Oh, Props! ^ , T '. 

Penn (pleading). Mr. Driver, please dont. i cant 
stand it much longer. Getting thrown down stairs every 
few minutes is terribly wearing on the nerves— to say noth- 
ing of the clothes. Look! Look at my coat ! (Turns back 
and exhibits his coat, split from tail to collar.) 

Hiram. Say, Mister, I don't know who you be, but— 



62 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Driver. Shut up, both of you! {To Penn.) If I 
choose to have you thrown down stairs, that's my privilege. 
{Sits at table.) I've got to have some pleasure in my life. 

Penn. I refuse to permit that horrid property man to 
take further liberties with me. That's final, sir! 

Driver. Every time I have you thrown down stairs it 
takes the property man away from his job. Be a good 
fellow and throw^ yourself out. What ? 

Penn {astonished). I? Throw myself down stairs? 

{Meanwhile Hiram is listening, open-mouthed, in per- 
plexity, scratching his head, etc.) 

Driver. Sure. Grab yourself and run. When you 
reach the top of the stairs, give a quick shove. Suppose 
you make this friend here {indicating Hiram) your travel- 
ing companion. 

Penn. Splendid. I'll do it! {Grabs Hiram and runs 
him off, up right.) 

Driver {calls after them). Let me know how you enjoy 
your trip. 

{Noise of body falling on stairs, followed shortly by the 
sound of a second falling, and a loud crash.) 

Mrs. Sippy enters excitedly from left. 

Mrs. S. F'r the love of St. Patrick, is it a murder they're 
afther committin'? What's all the shootin' fur? 

Driver {laughs). Nothing like that, Mrs. Sippy. Just 
another little interruption. There will be no more. 

Mrs. S. You said a mouthful, as the sayin' is. It's 
time I was home cookin' me corned beef and cabbage, and 
I got this theaytre stage to mop up yit. Take y'r gang an' 
git along home wid yez, befoor I mop yez up wid the rest 
of the trash ! 

Driver {consulting zmtch). Great snakes! Our time is 
up. {Rises.) Just two minutes more, Mrs. Sippy, and 
we'll try the finale. (Claps his hands to attract attention, 
and shouts.) Places, everybody! Come on Tottie, are you 
ready ? Everybody in your places for the finale ! 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 63 

Penn enters from up left. He is worse for wear than ever. 
Mrs. Sippy exits up left for her pail and brush. 

Penn. Mr. Driver. 

Driver. What? Are you back again? 

Penn. Fve been thrown out of here several times. 

Driver. You have. 

Penn {struck with sudden thought). I have it! By 
George, I have it ! 

Driver. I know it. And you'll get in again in a minute. 

Penn. Strange it never occurred to me before. {Im- 
pressively.) The reason you have thrown me out is this: 
You didn't want me here. {Dodges and runs out, up right, 
as Driver throws manuscript at him.) 

Driver (shouts). The finale. Let'^s go! {Exits left.) 

Song by Tottie, "Steppin' Around," with entire cast and 
chorus. She sings first verse and chorus, and entire com- 
pany repeats chorus as many times as desired. 

Curtain. 



Part Two. 

PERILS OF A GREAT CITY. 

Scene: A city street, if available, ''in one" {narrow 
stage); otherwise, any drop curtain. 

Hank enters from the right, followed by Hiram. Hiram 
is upbraiding Hank, and starts talking just before 'they 
enter. 

Hiram. Dog-gone ! The next time I bring you to teown 
you're goin' to stay to hum! I'll be cow-kicked ef I'm 
goin' to hunt all over teown for you all the time I 

Hank {meekly). Listen, paw, I — 

Hiram. Listen, nothin' ! You've always got some kind 
of a aylibi. Why in tarnation didn't you wait on thet 
corner like I told you to? Hey? Jest becuz I give you fif- 
teen cents to spend as you durn pleased ain't no reason to go 



64 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

gallivantin' around the hull teown. You're goin' to fool 
around till you git the hull family name in disgrace, durn ye ! 
Where was ye? (Hank hangs head and does not answer.) 
Ashamed to tell, ain't ye? I don't blame ye ; I'd be ashamed, 
too, ef I was you. Tell me where you was or I'll skin you 
alive ! 

Hank {drawing half circles with foot on floor). A 
durned pretty gal winked at me. 

Hiram. I thought so, by huckleberry! Ain't you been 
readin' in the Weekly Breeze every Saturday 'bout how 
these here city gals is takin' in the unwary male sex? So 
she winked at ye, did she? What follered? 

Hank. I did. 

Hiram. Was she purty? 

Hank {enthusiastically). I'll say she was! 

Hiram. You ain't got sense enough to know thet these 
city gals buy their purtiness at the drug store. How fer did 
you f oiler her? 

Hank. I follered her a block. Then she stopped and 
says to me, ''How much money you got?" I showed her 
the fifteen cents. She says ef I'd give her the fifteen cents 
I could foller her another block. 

Hiram. Well? 

Hank. So I gives her the fifteen cents and she got on 
a street car. Kin I have a quarter, paw? 

Hiram. I reckon them gals will let you foller 'em two 
blocks for a quarter, eh? You ain't goin' to git no more 
money outen me. I ain't aimin' to git our name in the Ding- 
ville Dispatch tellin' how we got took in by these vampires 
like we see in the movin' pitchers. I went over an' bought 
thet alarm clock what I needed. {Pulls alarm clock from 
pocket.) 

Hank. Don't do like you done with the other one you 
had, paw. 

Hiram. What'd I do? 

Hank. Yeah, what'd you do? You wound thet other 
alarm clock up every night for nigh on to nine years and 
then found out it was a eight-day clock. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 65 

Hiram. You shet your mouth. {Looks at clock.) What 
time is it? 

Hank. I don't know. 

Hiram. Gosh, ain't ye got a watch ? 

Hank. I ain't got none no more. 

Hiram {looks at him sharply). You ain't got your 
watch? You brung it with ye, didn't ye? 

Hank. Yes, but I wasn't a-countin' on sayin' nothin' 
about it till it was all settled. Then I was goin' to surprise 
you and maw. 

Hiram. What in Jehoshaphat aire ye talkin' about, any- 
way ? What ye done with your watch ? 

Hank. A swell-lookin' feller come up to me after that 
gal got on the street car, an' said as how he wanted to sell 
the Court House pretty bad, an' asked me how much money 
I had, an' I told him I didn't have any a-tall. Then he 
started to go 'way, an' I figured maybe I was losin' some- 
thing pretty good, so I showed him my watch, an' he said 
he would take thet instead. So I traded him the watch 
for the Court House. {Proudly.) I guess I ain't a shcker, 
eh? 

Hiram {dubiously). W^all, I don't faiow. Did ye git 
any papers or receipt or anything ? 

Hank. Oh, he was honest, all right. He said he was the 
mayor. I jest give him the watch, an' he said I could have 
the Court House any time I wanted it. Then a policeman 
come our way, an' the mayor said as how he wanted to 
play a joke on the policeman, so he run. 

Hiram {angrily). Wall, ef you ain't the goshdumedest 
dumbest critter in the States. And you didn't git a re- 
ceipt ? 

Hank. No. 

Hiram. Ef ye didn't git a receipt how in tarnation you 
goin' to prove the Court House is yourn when ye go after 
it? But you'll learn some of these days, you'll learn. 
{Swells up.) Look at your paw. Hank, an' you kin see 
they don't fool him. No, sir, by cricky ! Jest a leetle while 
ago I bought the Pust Office down there for thirty dollars. 



66 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

but I was wise enough to git a receipt. (Gets receipt from 
pocket and reads.) ''Received of Hiram Tubbins, thirty 
dollars for Pust Office. Signed, The Postmaster." Thet's 
business, my boy. Always demand the legal dockiments. 
(Puts paper back hi pocket.) 

Hank. What ye gt)in' to do with the Pust Office, now 
it belongs to you ? 

Hiram. I ain't give it much thought yet, but it would 
make a dandy cow-barn. 

Hank. Paw, ain't you goin' to give me a quarter? 

HiKAM. Jest as sure as I'd give ye a quarter you'll be 
flippin' around with some of them actresses and raisin' cain. 
It's bad enough for you to be a seater-setter down hum in 
the op'ry house, let alone here in the city. What'll ye do 
with a quarter ef I do give it to you? 

Hank. I want to buy somethin' for Emily. 

Hiram. Gosh all fishhooks, can't ye find another gal 
'cept Emily? She's the homeliest gal in Dingville. (Pause.) 
The other four ain't so bad lookin'. 

Hank. You know what ye always said, paw, about 
beauty bein' only skin deep. 

Hiram. Yeah, but thet Emily of yourn needs a good 
skinnin'. Why don't ye git in with thet Haskin gal ? She's 
pert-lookin'. 

Hank. I ast her to marry me once, and she said as how 
she wasn't never goin' to git married. 

Hiram. Heck! You can't tell nothin' by thet. Thet's 
what they all say, but they're still sellin' baby clothes and 
safety pins. But ef ye did marry her you'd be cheatin' her 
outen a good husband, maybe. You don't amount to nothin'. 
You ain't wuth the powder to blow ye up. 

Hank. Folks always said as how I took after you, paw. 

Hiram. Don't ye dare git pussonal, young man ! And 
remember what I said about stayin' away from them chorus 
gals. 

Hank. Oh, paw, they ain't as bad as they're painted. 

Hiram. Them gals ain't got no shame whatsomever, 
the way they dresses. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 67 

Hank. How do you know how they dresses, paw? 

Hiram. Wall, I — none of your business! 

Hank. Gee, paw, I'm hungry. 

Hiram. Hungry? I'm ashamed to take you to a rest- 
rant. Look what ye done when we had dinner at (local 
hotel) today. The way you et thet pie, it looked as though 
you never did have any bringin' up. Ye ain't supposed to 
cut your pie with a fork when ye got a knife right handy. 

Hank. I seed you didn't use a knife or fork either. 
The way you held thet pie was how ye come to git them 
raspberries all over your ears. And didn't I tell ye once 
what it said in the Weekly Breeze about not drinkin' your 
coffee outen your saucer? 

Hiram. How do ye expect to drink it then ef ye don't 
pour it outen the saucer? 

Hank. Wall, gosh, can't ye drink it outen your cup? 

Hiram. Yes, drink it outen my cup, and git the spoon 
in my eye? Not much. 

Hank. And then when the waiter man give ye the 
napkin, you said you didn't need it 'cause ye had a hand- 
kerchief of your own. 

Hiram. Well, dog-gone it, I didn't know it was a nap- 
kin. 

Hank. Course it was, and you was supposed to put it 
around your neck like I did. You may know a lot, paw, 
but ye ain't got no table etiquette. 

Hiram {looking off right). Thet dum blanket's oiTen 
Nell again. I'm goin' over and cover her up. (Exits 
right. ) 

Hank (to audience). Paw is durned old fashioned. I 
hafta laugh. He gits jealous when he sees how wise I be 
in the ways of the world. I'm a gosh-durn slicker, an' no 
mistake. 

(Song by Hank, "Oshkosh, E'Cosh!") 

After the song, Hiram re-enters from right. 
Hiram. What be ye goin' to buy for Emily? 



68 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Hank. I ain't a-goin' to buy her nothin' ef you don't 
give me a quarter. 

Hiram {gets coin from pocket and reluctantly hands it 
to Hank). There ye be. Now don't hint around for no 
more money for a month. What ye goin' to buy her? A 
quarter is whole lot to spend on a woman, anyhow. 

Hank {puts coin in pocket). I never seed a feller as 
tight as you are, paw. I suppose you'd like to see me marry 
a gal without any arms, so's I wouldn't have to buy her a 
weddin' ring. You're so durned close you take long steps 
to keep from wearin' your shoes out. 

Hiram. By cracky, it pays to be jest a leetle bit close 
sometimes. 

Hank. Sometimes? You're too durned stingy all the 
time. What'd ye do last summer when I was pickin' our 
strawberries? Ye made me whistle all the time I was 
pickin' 'em so's I wouldn't eat any. 

Hiram. Ef some of the young whippersnaps nowadays 
was a leetle more stingy they'd be a lot better ofif. 

Hank. Off where? Remember the time ye lost y'r 
pocketbook with sixteen dollars in it and Josh Wilson 
found it? 

Hiram. Yep, Josh was pretty honest about it. 

Hank. Yes, and 'stead of you givin' him a reward you 
charged him interest for the time thet he had it. An' when 
you're readin' you look over the top of your spectacles so's 
you won't wear 'em out. 

Hiram. Aw, shet y'r mouth! Seein' as how ye ain't 
got no watch you kin hang this on ye. {Hangs alarm clock 
on Hank.) Go untie Nell and git ready to drive hum. 
What ye goin' to git Emily ? 

Hank {starting to exit right). Guess I'll git her a pound 
of gumdrops. 

Hiram. Leetle good she'll git outen them. She ain't got 
no teeth. 

Hank. Maybe she ain't got no teeth. But I have. 
{Exits right.) 

Hiram {calling to Hank). Hank, you go tradin' thet 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 69 

alarm clock for anything and I'll tan your pesky hide ! {To 
audience.) Kin ye blame the women f'r gittin' stuck on 
thet boy? He's good-lookin,' smart, and everything. All 
the gals to hum is jest crazy about him. He says so him- 
self. But youth will have its fling, and a stitch in time is 
wuth two in the bush, as they say. Hank says as how 
there ain't no chance f'r a young feller with ambitions to 
git any place in Dingville, but as sure as shootin' ef he comes 
to teown he'll git the swell-head jest like all the rest of 'em. 
When Ted Slater lived in Dingville he wore a seven and 
one-half hat and number ten shoes. Then he got in the 
legislature, and now he wears number seven and one-half 
shoes and a number ten hat. 

Hank enters right. 

Hank. Say, paw? 
Hiram. Well, son? 

Hank. A feller down here wants to know will we 
trade Nell and the buggy for {local railroad) station? 

(Hank turns and runs quickly off right, zmth Hiram after 
him in angry pursuit.) 

The drop Curtain Rises for 



Part Three. 

THE FOOTLIGHT CABARET. 

Curtain which served as hack drop for Part Two rises 
and reveals a palace interior or roof garden setting, with 
rozvs of small tables across the hack and down the sides, 
leaz'ing the center of the stage clear. The arrangement of 
tables is as in the diagram, but more may he added accord- 
ing to the size of the chorus. Lights up full throughout. 

Susan is at table A; Flora at table D ; male quartet, if 
used, at table C ; at table B there may be four chorus ladies 
to balance table C, or some comic characters may be seated 
here. At the rest of the tables the chorus are distributed 



70 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

in couples. There may be two couples at each table, or if the 
tables are small, single couples. 

Before the curtain rises, the orchestra plays the chorus 
of ''Swance River Blues," fast and snappy, once through. 
The curtain rises exactly at the finish of the music, so that 
SusAN^s first speech zvitl come immediately after it stops. 
All people on the stage should be animated and happy, ex- 
cept Susan, who is annoyed. Speedy is zi^alking back and 
forth near the rear tables, after the manner of the obsequi- 
ous restaurant proprietor. 

Susan (pounding her fist hard on the table, just as the 
music stops). Waiter! Waiter! Where is that pesky 
black rascal, anyway? 

Speedy {hurrying to her table). Yes, madam. The 
waiter will be here presently. 

Susan {with a snort). Presently! I gave my order half 
an hour ago, and here I've been sitting like a bump on a 
log, ever since. It's a pity a body can't get a snack of lunch 
in one of these new-fangled cabarrf places without wastin' 
half a day! 

Speedy. Yes, madam. Very sorry, madam. And which 
one is your waiter? 

Susan. How should I know ? I ain't been introduced 
to him. 

George enters from right, crosses back of rear tables, 
comes doum bctzifcen them at center and crosses to table D. 
He has a bottle of ginger ale and a glass on a tray. Serves 
it to Flora. The dialogue continues during this business. 

Speedy. Very sorry, madam. I — 

Susan {seeing George, and pointing). There he is, now. 
I have been waiting longer than that flip young thing over 
there, and — 

Speedy {politely). Just a moment, madam. {Crosses 
to center and meets George, as latter comes from table D.) 
See here, George. 

George. Yassuh, boss. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 71 

Speedy. The guests are complaining of poor service. 

George. Yassuh. And the waiters is complainin' of 
poor tips. You ain't going to fire me, is you? 

Speedy. Of course not. Vm your friend. When you 
came here penniless who stood by you? I did. 

George. Yassuh. And last night when I lost my watch, 
who stood by me ? You did. 

Speedy. Do you mean to say I stole your watch ? 

George. I ain't sayin' nothin'. But if you hadn't stood 
by me, I might have it yet. 

Speedy. How much was the old watch worth, anyway ? 

George. Don't know. How much did the pawnbroker 
give you ? 

Speedy. Now, get this, once for all. I didn't take your 
watch. I haven't time to think about your watch. I have 
troubles of my own. That new cabaret performer hasn't 
arrived. (Sudden thought.) I have it! W^e'll put you 
on the program. \\{\\ you sing a song for these people? 

George. If I do, will you give me back my watch? 

Speedy. Didn't I tell you I haven't got your watch? 

George. Well, I'll call it square if you'll give me the 
ticket. 

Speedy (announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, we will 
start our cabaret program with "The Swanee River Blues." 

Song by George, ''Szmnee River Blues." Speedy retires 
up stage. George sings one verse and chorus, all joining in 
second chorus. For encore, chorus only. George exits, 
down right, at finish. All applaud. 

After specialty. Hank enters from up left, crosses back 
of rear tables, comes dozvn betza^een them at center, and looks 
around as if fearful of being followed. 

Hank (to audience). By cracky, that's the time I give 
the old man the slip. He says as how these here wild car- 
buretters ain't no fit places for a young boy. Reckon as how 
I'll have to set down an' order up a glass o' sody pop. 
(Starts to go right, and Susan smiles coyly to him. He 
turns azmy.) Gosh, if that's one o' the vampires paw's been 



72 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

warnin' me about, he's wastin' his breath. (Starts left and 
sees Flora.) Jumpin' grass-hoppers, ain't she a pippin! 
Wonder where I'll set. Wish I dast to go and set down by 
her. {Approaches table D sheepishly.) Shall I ? (Pause.) 
Do I dast? (Takes coin out of pocket and flips it.) Heads 
I flirt with her, tails I go back to paw. (Looks to see which 
it is.) Heads. Paw, you kin wait a spell. Now I'm goin' 
to be a reg'lar cut-up. (Walks up to table D with absurd 
recklessness. Then gets scared and can't speak for a mo- 
ment. Finally he gets courage.) Hello, kid. (She looks 
up and gives him an icy stare, and he backs away.) Excuse 
me, miss, I mean, howdy do? 

Flora (rising). Sir! Are you trying to flirt with me? 

Hank. No ma'am. I was just goin' to ask you if you'd 
have a glass of sody pop? 

Flora (becoming friendly). Oh, that's different. (She 
sits dozvn, smiles at Jiim, and he bashfully sits at the table 
zmth her.) 

Hank. Gee, if paw could see me now! He give me a 
quarter to spend, and if they's any left over when you get 
all the sody pop you want, I'll let the waiter keep the change. 
Us boys from Dingville is high flyers when we git started ! 

Speedy enters from up right, and conies betzijeen center 
rear tables. 

Speedy (announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, I take 
pleasure in announcing that we have with us tonight Pan 
Toy, the famous Chinese Nightingale. She will sing the 
"Chinese Love Song." (Steps back.) 

Pan Toy enters from dozmi right and takes center. Song 
bv Pax Toy, ''Chinese Love Song." After song, she exits 
dozmi right. All applaud. 

(Hank pounds call bell on table.) 

Henry enters from up left, crosses back of tables, comes 
dozvn between them at center and crosses to table D. Fol- 
lowing him comes George zurith a tray containing a glass and 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 7Z 

a bottle of ginger ale. He serves it at table A and exits up 
right during the next dialogue. 

Henry. Did you ring sir? 
Hank. No, the bell did. What you got? 
Henry. Well, suh, we has a large assortment of — 
Hank (interrupting). Got any boiled watermelons? 
Henry. No, suh. 
Hank. Nightingale's tongues? 
Henry. No, suh. 

Hank. Stewed cucumbers on the half shell? 
Henry. No, suh. 

Hank. Well, bring us a couple bottles o' sody pop. 
(Henry starts to go. Hank calls him back.) Hey, waiter! 
(Henry returns.) How about a little hard cider? 

Henry. No, suh ! We is strictly temperance, we is. 

Hank (nnnks slily). Aw, fetch some in a tea pot. No- 
body won't git wise. 

Henry. Sorry, suh. It can't be did. 

Hank. Gol ding it, somebody told me a feller could git 
a nip in this here place. 

Henry. Somebody done tol' you dat? 

Hank. Yes, sir, that's what somebody told me. 

Henry. W'ell, suh, it looks to me like somebody lied. 

Song by Henry, ''Somebody Lied," one verse and chorus, 
after which all repeat last tzvo lines only of chorus, in faster 
tempo. For encore, second verse and chorus, nnth tzvo-line 
repeat as before. Exits right, after song. 

After specialty, Hiram enters from up left, comes 
through betiveen center rear tables and meets Speedy, who 
has remmned on stage but in background since his last an- 
nouncement.' 

Hiram. Say, be you the head waiter of this here cafe- 
teria ? 

Hexry enters up right at this point, 7i'ith tzco bottles of 



74 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

pop and fzv'o glasses, liihich he seri'es at table D during the 
next dialogue. 

Speedy. Sir, this is a high class cabaret. 

Hiram. Don't give a cuss what ye call the gal-bing 
place. I'm lookin' fur my boy, Hank. I warned him to 
keep away from these high-flyin' places. If I ketch him 
around here I'll tan the hide off him ! Ain't no place for 
the son of a deacon of the Dingville church. 

(Hank^ upon hearing Hiram speak, is alarmed, and in 
pantomine induces Flora to change seats with him, so he 
can hide behind her. From here to the finish he is fearful 
that his dad zm'll see him and he slinks down in his chair, 
gets behind Flora, hunches his shoulders, etc.) 

Speedy (replying to Hiram). I don't believe I've seen 
your son, sir. 

Hiram. It's a durn good thing ye hain't. (Starts out, 
then turns.) Ye sure ye ain't seen him? 

Speedy. Quite certain, sir. 

Hiram (coming center). Then I'll stay awhile. Will 
ye introduce me to one of these here flappers I've been 
reading about in the Sunday papers ? 

(During the next dialogue, Speedy takes Hiram to table 
A oiid introduces him to Susan in pantomime. Hiram sits 
at table zuith Susan and they converse in pantomime. Su- 
san acts coy and girlish, and Hiram tries to be very dash- 
ing. Speedy exits right.) 

George has entered up right zmth tray of bottles and 
glasses, w^hich he is serznng at rear tables. Henry, having 
served table D, crosses up to George and they meet at cen- 
ter, in front of rear tables. During their next dialogue they 
come dozmi center. 

George. Say, black boy, I has a matter of significance 
to discuss. 

Henry. Ink bottle, don't tantalize me. Dis is my busy 
day. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 75 

George. When I was comin' here on my way to work, I 
seen a handsome, swell, lovely-dressed yaller gal, an' she 
axed me 'bout you. 

Henry (szvelling zuith pride). She did, eh? What did 
she say? 

George. She axed me when was you goin' to git out 
of jail. 

Henry (worried). Nix on dat jail stuff. What did you 
told her? 

George. I told her your time was up, and you was out. 

Henry. - And what did she say? 

George. She says den will you please come around and 
pay yo' board bill. 

Henry. Don't disgust dese unpleasant topics until we is 
got more privacy. 

George. She says de bill is been runnin' a long time. 

Henry. Ain't it tired of runnin' yet? 

George. See here, nigger, yo' landlady is a friend of 
mine, and I'm here to tell you you better pay yo' bill. She 
can't run a boardin' house if nobody don't pay her. 

Henry. She can't? 

George. No, sir, she can't. 

Henry. Den she better sell out to somebody what can. 

Speedy enters up right and comes doztm hetzveen center 
rear tables, as before. George and Henry return up stage 
to serve rear tables. 

Speedy {announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, we have 
prepared a little surprise party for our guests. I take great 
pleasure in announcing that we have with us this evening no 
less a personage than the famous Broadway star. Miss Flora 
Flapper {pointing to Flora). 

Hank. An actorine, by heck ! 

Speedy. Miss Flapper will contribute to our entertain- 
ment by singing "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby." 

(Flora leaves table and goes center, zvhile Hank_, realty- 



76 THE FOOTLIGHT REVU'E 

iiig that their table is the center of interest, and fearing dis- 
covery, dives under the table.) 

Song by Flora, "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby ," one 
verse and chorus. 

If quartette is present, the four men rise from^ table C as 
Flora is finishing chorus, and join her in repeating the 
chorus. Then all join in repeating the chorus. 

George and Henry enter up right, doing a cake-walk or 
''strut'' step. George comes domn extreme left, and Henry 
dozim extreme right, joining in singing until curtain. 

When all are singing, about half way through the chorus, 
they rise from their tables, one couple at a time, and start 
dancing around the stage, continuing to sing. Hiram, in 
pantomime, invites Susan to dance and they do an absurd 
travesty of ballroom dancing across the front of the stage. 
Hank is still kneeling under table D, imth his head poked 
out from right end of table, under the tablecloth. 

Flora beckons him to dance with her. He is overcome 
with embarrassment but finally yields and crawls out from 
under the table and they start dancing zvith the others. For 
all this business the chorus may be repeated as many times 
as desired. Flora and Hank, Susan and Hiram keep 
dozmi stage, as they are the center of interest. As the tzvo 
couples are passing, Hiram and Hank collide. They turn 
and look at each other, Hiram sees Hank, they both aban- 
don their partners and Hank runs up center and off left, 
zvith Hiram in full pursuit, zvhile the others keep singing 
and dancing to — 

Quick Curtain. 



Part Four. • 
TURNING ON THE GAS. 

The orchestra continues playing after a drop curtain "in 
one" closes in on the cabaret scene. Any drop curtain may 
be used, as the scene is immaterial, but the street drop used 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - n 

for Part Tzi^o should not he used again if another is avail- 
able. A plush curtain is always effective for a monologue. 
George enters, the music stops, and he delivers the follow- 
ing monologue : 

Hello, audience. I'm glad to see dat so many of you are 
keepin' awake. 

I wouldn't have come out here and interrupted dis nice 
music, but I saw dat the cornet player was all out of breath. 

While de scenery is being changed for de next act, I 
will herewith proceed to monologue myself black in the 

face. 

You know, my father didn't want me to become a actor. 
He said they sometimes threw eggs at actors. I never will 
forget the first time I was hit by a cowardly egg. 

You know what a cowardly egg is. A cowardly egg is 
one that hits you and then runs. 

My father didn't want me to go on the stage. He was 
most bitterly opposed to it. But I told him I would be a 
actor, and nothin' but a actor. 

My father came to one of the rehearsals, and afterwards 
I asked him was he still opposed to my bein' a actor. He 
said he wasn't, 'cause I wasn't no actor, and from what he 
saw I never would be. 

He certainly is a most peculiar man. He used to hang 
up his stockin' every Christmas Eve. But he says he's 
through. 

Last Christmas Eve he hung it up as usual. And de 
Board of Health made him take it down. 

Last summer father went to (nearby summer resort) for 
a change and rest. The hotel got his change, and the waiters 
got the rest. 

Father always was a great man to go out and borrow 
money. He'd go out and borrow money from somebody 
whether he needed it or not. 

I remember one dark night — father would always go out 
on dark nights — and he asked a man to lend him some 
money. But the man refused. Three times my father 



78 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

asked the man to loan him money, and each time the man 
refused. 

So finally my father had to knock the man down and 
take it away from him. 

Then I remember another night, after we had all gone to 
bed, we heard somebody movin' around downstairs. Father 
told me to get up and go downstairs and find the burglar. 

I said I wouldn't. I hadn't lost no burglar. 

Finally father got up, jumped out of a second-story win- 
dow, run two miles to the police station, and told the cap- 
tain of police that there was thieves in our house. 

The police captain says, "Go on back home. I've known 
that for two years." 

Another peculiar thing about father was his head. Folks 
used to ask him about his bald head. Father didn't have a 
hair on his head, and folks would ask him if it didn't bother 
him, and if he didn't catch cold in the winter time. 

Father said he didn't mind that so much. His main 
bother was when he was washing himself. 

Unless he kept his hat on, he didn't know where his face 
stopped. 

You know, they say a woman's hair lasts longer than a 
man's. Well, it ought to. A man wears his all the time. 

I see the orchestra leader holding a stop watch on me, 
so I'll ask him to put his gang to work, while I render the 
latest sentimental ballad, *'No Matter How Hungry the Old 
Hoss Got, He Couldn't Eat a Bit." 

Song by George, '7/ / Was What I Ain't Instead of What 

I Is/' and exit. 

The Curtain Rises For — 



Part Five. 

THE HAUNTED MUMMY. 

Scene: Room in an Egyptian palace, full stage. If 
oriental scenery is not available, a drapery setting mny he 
used, or palace setting unth richly colored hangings, rugs. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 79 

cushions, etc. There should be a center door or archway, 
and entrances right and left.- The throne^ to he carried on 
may he a large chair, covered imth draperies or scarfs. The 
mummy case to be brought in can be roughly made of wood, 
and painted in Egyptian style; for design consult public or 
school library. It should have hinged or removable lid. Up 
left stands a large cabinet phonograph, with a ''health rec- 
ord" for reducing exercise, obtainable at any phonograpii 
shop. 

Lights : Up full at rise. 

At rise, the phonograph is playing, and the Wives are on 
the floor, going through the reducing exercise. This is con- 
tinued just long enough to get a good laugh. Th-en — 

El Goofus enters majestically, from the right, with arms 

folded. 

El Goofus. What's this? What's this? {Shuts off 
phonograph.) By the beard of the prophet, siich unseemly 
levity is past all understanding! Have you no sorrow in 
your hearts at the death of your late lord and master, the 
mighty Shriek? 

(Wives all scramble to their feet.) 

1st Wife. Shall we not continue our daily exercises, O 
El Goofus, that we may retain our beauty to delight the 
eye of him who will take our late husband's place ? 

El Goofus. So ! You are already thinking of your new 
husband ! 

2nd Wife. W^ell, we never did think much of our old 
one. 

3rd Wife. What's the use of thinking of the old one 
now? He's a total loss. 

4th Wife. Say, Goofie, how soon do you think we'll get 
a new husband ? 

El Goofus. You know the custom of the country. Your 
fate is in the hands of the great prophet. For it is written 
in the sacred book of the Bazazz that the first stranger 
who sets his foot inside the great palace, after the death of 



80 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

the Shriek, becomes the ruler of the land and the master of 
the royal harem. 

1st Wife. Oh, ain't that lovely! 

El Goofus. See that your conduct is seemly and proper, 
as befits your station. One never knows when your new 
husband will surprise you. (Going right.) One never 
knows. {Exits pompously, right.) 

2nd Wife. It was that way with our old husband. One 
never knew. 

3rd Wife (zvko has been looking out center door, off left, 
turns to others). Oh, girls! What do you think? I see 
a crowd of strangers coming this way. 

4th Wife {looking). They look like American tourists. 

2nd Wife {enthusiasticcUly) . Perhaps our future hus- 
band is among them. 

1st Wife {thrilled). Oh, ain't that lovely! 

2nd Wife. He mustn't see us like this. 

3rd Wife. We're perfect frights! 

4th Wife. Who has my curling iron ? 

{During the last three speeches, to which others of similar 
vein may be added if desired, the Wives hurry pell-mell 
from the stage and exeunt right in disorder.) 

After a very brief pause, Jakie peers cautiously around 
center door from left, then steps in and looks about; goes 
back to door and zmves his hand energetically toward left. 

Jakie {yells) ^ Come on, Jack. It's all right. It ain't no- 
body home but de audience, and I guess they're unconscious. 

Jack enters center door from left. 

Jack. Nobody home. {Dramatically.) Curse the luck! 
I thought we might find someone to help us. 

Jakie. If they'd take us down cellar it would help a lot. 

Jack {slapping his clothes). I'm awfully dusty. 

Jakie (taking corkscreiv from pocket). So am I — ■ 
awfully thirsty. 

Jack. I said dusty, not thirsty. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 81 

Jakie. Vot are you talking about? I say to-day is 
Thursday. 

Jack. Oh, Thursday. I thought you said thirsty. 

Jakie. And it's a funny t'ing. I vas thirsty Vednesday, 
and I'll be thirsty Friday. 

Jack. I always knew you were foolish. 

Jakie. Not foolish ; yiddish. 

Jack. We're wasting time. I won't rest until I find 
Rose — ^the only girl I ever really loved. I know she is 
traveling somewhere in Egypt. I came all the way from 
America to find her. I've ffot to find her ! 

Jakie. Vhy don't you put a vant ad in de — (local news- 
paper) ? 

Jack. Bah ! (Starts left.) I'm going to join the others. 
Perhaps they have found out something. (Exits center 
daor, to left.) 

Jakie is looking around curiously, and starts to exit down 
right, zvhen he is confronted by El Goofus, who enters 
down right. 

El Goofus. Aha! At last you have come. (Bows 
deeply.) 

Jakie. Aha ! In a minute I vill have came and also vent. 
(Starts to go.) 

El Goofus (grabbing Jakie). Not so fast! (Bows 
again and cries out in droning yell'.) Bismillah ! Bismillah! 
Praise be to Allah ! 

Jakie (imitating his voice and gesture). Oi, oi, oil 
Gefiltefish! Gefiltefish ! (To El Goofus.) Now you got 
me doing it. 

El Goofus (bowing again.y O worshipful commander, 
be not displeased. 

Jakie. Vot's dis? A foolish factory? I ask you. 

El Goofus. You would not leave the palace without 
seeing your wives ? 

Jakie. My vots ? 

El Goofus. Your wives, O radiant leader of the faith- 
ful. 



82 THE FOOTLIGHT REVU'E 

Jakie. Such t'ings can't be impossible. 

El Goofus. Your eight hundred and forty-seven wives 
all await your coming. 

Jakie. Veil, let em vait. 

El Goofus. You do not understand. The Shriek is 
dead ! 

Jakie Ain't home brew terrible ? 

El Goofus. He is dead ! 

Jakie. Vhy don't you telephone — (name local under- 
taker) ? 

El Goofus. His soul awaits the trumpet blast of the 
angel Asrafil. 

Jakie (nervously). Oi but you're a cheerful gent. Do 
people die often around here? 

El Goofus (solemnly) . Only once. (Jakie starts to go 
to center door.) Wait! (Jakie stops, scared.) It is the 
custom of the country that when the Shriek dies, the first 
stranger to set foot within the royal palace becomes his suc- 
cessor. I salute you, the new Shriek. (Bows.) 

Jakie. Oi, now I got to shriek! 

El Goofus (bozi's). Illustrious master, your eight hun- 
dred and forty-seven wives await an audience with their 
august husband. Will you come with me to the royal ward- 
robe and attire yourself for the ceremony? 

Jakie (suspiciously). Vhere is dese eight hundred and 
forty-seven crazy vimmens? 

El Goofus (points right). In that direction is the royal 
harem. (Jakie starts right.) But not without warning, 
most illustrious master. You do not want to frighten the 
harem ? 

Jakie. Oi, I should be a harum-scarum. (Follows El 
Goofus, and they exeunt down left.) 

Rose and Pansy enter together through center door from 
back left, and look about curiously. 

Rose. That's funny. No one around. 
Pansy. Anyway, I'm glad we got inside. There's a 
storm coming. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 83 

Rose. Well, let it come. 

Pansy. I was going to. 

Rose. This is the palace of the' Shriek, I believe. 

Pansy. Shriek? I haven't even heard a whisper. 

Rose. I must find some word of Jack. I know he is 
somewhere in Egypt. (Sadly.) Pansy, my heart is break- 
ing. We quarreled, and it is all my fault. Oh, I am so 
lonely ! 

Pansy. Cheer up, kid. There's more fresh fish in the 
sea than there are in the sink. 

Rose (tearfully). How can you be so flippant? There's 
no one in the world like my Jack. 

Pansy. Gee, you're old fashioned. What did you come 
to Egypt for ? There's plenty of Americans back home. As 
for me, I'm going to grab a king or some kind of a foreign 
title. 

Rose. They don't have kings in Egypt. 

Pansy. Don't they ? 

Rose. Of course not. 

Pansy. Well, anyway, I'm going to draw for the highest 
card in the deck. Love is like a game of cards, anyway. 

Rose. How do you make that out? 

Pansy. A good deal depends on a good deal. Think it 
over. 

Jack enters center from back left, and sees Rose. 

Jack (cries out). Rose! 

Rose (turns and sees him). Jack! (They embrace.) 

Pansy (pulling herself forzmrd by the skirt). This way 
out, Pansy, this way out. (Exits center door and left.) 

Jack. Where have you been hiding all this time? 

Rose. Did you really miss me? You have so many 
sweethearts. 

Jack. All the others are like weeds by the roadside, 
compared to my Old Fashioned Rose. 

Duet bv Jack and Rose, ''Old Fashioned Rose.'' They 
sing alternate lines, revising ''you'' and "I" zvhere necessary, 
and sing the chorus in harmony. For encore, chorus only. 



84 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

After specialty, Rose exits through center door and Jack is 
about to follow her when — 

Bayuda enters from up right, smiles at Jack and he ap- 
proaches her. She laughs and starts to run azvay, hut he 
catches her hand. 

Jack. Wait a minute, sweetheart. 

Bayuda. Sweetheart? Ya sidi, why do you address 
such names to me? That American girl who w^as here — 
you called her sweetheart. 

Jack. But — hang it all — you don't understand. 

Bayuda {tauntingly). I'm afraid I don't. (Exits up 
right.) 

Jack (alone). I don't see why I'm to blame, if I've had 
Fifty-seven Varieties of Sweethearts. 

Song by Jack, 'Tve Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts,'' 
one verse and chorus only; no encore. Then he recites: 

The first of all my sweethearts 
I'll now bring before your eyes ; 

I told her that I loved her 

When we used to make mud pies. 

He steps to one side of stage and Mud Pie Girl enters 
from center. She sings one verse and chorus of ''Mud Pie 
Days,'' and exits. Then Jack recites: 

The next girl that I loved, I met 

Among the tall, tall grass ; 
And so I'll introduce to you 

That simple country lass. 

Rube Girl enters center, sings chorus only of "Oshkosh, 
B' Gosh!" and exits. Then Jack recites: 

It wasn't long before I met, 

Where cotton blossoms grow, 
A maiden of the sunny South ; 

You'll like her, too, I know. 

Southern Girl enters center, sings chorus only of "In 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 85 

the Evening By the Moonlight, Long Ago," md exits. Then 
Jack recites : 

And then I sailed acro'ss the seas 

And found a sweet mamzelle. 
I thought that she was ires jolie, 
And you'll think so, as well. 
French Girl enters center, does a picturesque dance, 
and exits. {For music, chorus of ''Step pin' Around"' may 
be used if desired.) Then Jack recites: 

The next fair charmer that I knew 

And called my turtle dove 
I now will bring before your view 
To sing of Chinese love. 
Chinese Girl enters center, sings chorus only of ''Chinese 
Lov-e Song,'' and exits. Then Jack recites: 
These are a few of all my girls 

But everybody knows 
The only girl I really loved 
Was dear Old Fashioned Rose. 

Rose enters center, sings chorus only of "Old Fashioned 
Rose" in Jiarmony with him, and exits. Then Jack re- 
cites : 

It's getting late ; there isn t time 

To introduce the rest; 
So look them over, one by one, 
And see which you like best. 
Tack sings chorus of "S7 Varieties," using second catcl} 
line. Additional Girls enter through center door, one at a 
time and he takes the hand of each in turn, going from one 
to the next as if unable to choose. Use as many extra girls, 
in varied costumes, as desired, to last just once through 
chorus. Each girl, when he deserts her for the next, exits 
right. At finish. Jack exits right, after them. 

For encore. Jack and all Girls in this number enter from 
right, in close formation, lockstep fashion, single file, each 



86 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

with hands on hips of person in front, and Jack in the 
middle. Time the cross-oz'er so it unll consume chorus 
once through. All sing chorus, except third catch line, which 
Jack sings as solo. Finish all singing, all exeunt left. 

After specialty, Gazook enters center and El Goofus 
enters right, with cordial greeting. They embrace, putting 
their arms around each other and bumping their foreheads 
together. 

El Goofus (greeting Gazook). By the beard of the 
prophet ! My old friend Gazook, the slave trader. You 
have come at an auspicious moment. We have American 
visitors. 

G.\zooK. Americans? 'Tis well. The rich Americans 
toss their gold to the breezes. I am here to catch it as it 
falls. For I can sell much else beside slaves. 

El Goofus {looking off center). Hist! Here comes the 
rich American now. 

Gazook (rubbing his hands together). Indeed! Then 
leave us alone, and we may drive, as the Americans say, a 
bargain. 

(They embrace as before, and El Goofus exits down right.) 

Jack enters center. 

Gazook (smoothly) . Ah, an American, I believe? 

Jack. Yes, and I suppose you're a souvenir peddler? 

Gazook (offended). I? A souvenir peddler? Sir, 
were that spoken by less than the perfect gentleman that 
I know you to be, it would be a deadly insult. 

Jack. Well, this is a deadly cHmate. 

Gazook. I am not a souvenir peddler, but I am a col- 
lector of rare and beautiful things ; and I see in you a 
connoisseur. This is Egypt, the land of mystery, where 
nothing is impossible. Name what you will, and I can get 
it for you — at a price. 

Jack. Oh, you can? 

Gazook (tvith dignity). I can. 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 87 

Jack. All right. I'll call your bluff. I want you to get 
me a mummy. 

Gazook. Ya sidi, it shall be clone. (Bozmng.) 

Jack. Wait a minute. I want a mummy that can be 
brought to life. 

Gazook (nonplussed) . A mummy — that can be brought 
to Hfe? 

Jack (sm-iling). This is Egypt, the land of mystery — 
where nothing is impossible. 

Gazook (desperately, after thinking a moment). It shall 
be done. (Bozvs and exits center, scratching his head as if 
trying to figure it out.) 

El Goofus enters from dozvn right. 

Jack (to El Goofus). Say, who's the long-whiskered 
commission merchant? 

El Goofus. Ya sidi, that is Gazook, the famous slave 
trader. He brings many beautiful slave girls, the fairest 
that ever mortal eye gazed upon. 

(Tom-tom starts beating.) 

Jack. Hello. What's up now? 

El Goofus. The new Shriek is about to take upon him- 
self the robes of state. Let us stand aside. Even now the 
ceremony is beginning. (Draws Jack left and they stand 
at left side of stage.) 

(Music, introduction and verse of ''Cleopatra'' for the 
follonmg business; repeat verse as often as necessary but 
do not go into chorus; no singing.) 

Wives enter from left, single file, in Egyptian pose, left 
hand held over head with fingers straight back, elbow point- 
ing forward, and right hand back, pointing diagonally down, 
palm doztmward. They circle around stage and then range 
themselves across back and sides, leaving entrances clear. 
Meanzvhile tzi'o Slaves carry in a throne from left and place 
it up left, facing diagonally dozam right. When throne is 
placed and all Wives are on — 



88 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Two Slaves, carrying incense, enter from right, followed 
bv Jakie, whose costume is a ridiculous burlesque of orien- 
tal splendor. He zvalks with great pride and dignity. The 
Slaves escort him to the throne, and All bow low as he 
sits upon it. Music stops. 

Jakie (stands). Hail, hail, de gang's all here! I vish 
s mebody vould tell me vot lodge I'm getting initiated into. 

Jack (advancing toward him zmth outstretched hand). 
Well, if it isn't my old friend Jakie. 

Jakie (draiinng himself up proudly). Vot? You should 
get familiar with a royal flush ! 

Jack (disgusted). Bah! (Exits angrily, center and 
left.) 

Jakie. Veil, vot 'happens next? 

El Goofus (bowing). Visitors from far-off lands seek 
an audience with the illustrious Shriek. 

Jakie. Veil, fetch 'em in. (Sits.) 

Music resumes as before. Entering in double file through 
center door come Rose and Pansy, Rube Girl and Mud 
Pie Girl, French Girl and Chinese Girl. Southern 
Girl and another American Girl, follozved by Tourists in 
couples. The procession circles around the stage and per- 
formers take places on both sides and across back. Pansy 
mid Rose up center, but not blocking center door. Stage 
lights dozrni. Red spotlight on center door. 

When all are on and in position, tiuo Slaves bring hi 
mummv case through center door and stand it up center. 
Gazook enters after them, opens mummy case, makes mystic 
passes zmth hands, removes m^ummy zurappings and Bayuda, 
who is in the case, opens her eyes and steps dreamily out of 
the case, as if cojning from deep sleep. This must be timed 
so it zfill come at end of verse, so orchestra or piano can go 
into vamp of song as she emerges. When song is started, 
Slaves quietly remove mummy case. 

Song by Bayuda, "Cleopatra." 

Wives, at sides and back, sit cross-legged zMle she sings 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 89 

first verse and chorus, mhile Tourists stand hack of Wives. 
Choms is repeated by entire company, Wives rising and 
forming a line from rigJit to left up stage, taking oriental 
posture as described for their entrance on the cue "the cere- 
mony is beginning." This single line, in close formation, 
goes to left as far as possible, then reverses positions of 
arms, faces about and goes right, reversing direction as 
often as necessary and coming a bit down stage at each re- 
versal. All on stage sing during this repeat. At end of 
repeat, Bayuda and Wives exeunt down right or left. As 
soon as applause permits, Bayuda and Wives re-enter and 
Wives repeat the business, but she sings second chorus as 
solo. If applause demands, repeat second chorus same as 
first repeat, with all singing, but only Bayuda exits at finish. 
An oriental dance can be introduced after song, if desired. 
Wives go to former positions at sides and back. Tourists 
all applaud. During this stage applause, Gazook enters 
center, slinkingly. Beckons zvith his arm and two Slaves 
follow him in. He points to Rose, zvho has not seen him. 
They throzv a scarf over her head, seize her hands and 
hustle her out center. This business is unnoticed by the 
others. Stage lights up. 

El Goofus. We will now have the slave auction ; the 
f-a-m-o-u-s slave auction of the east! 

Jakie. How should ve have a auction, vhen ve ain't got 
no red flag outside ? 

El Goofus. The customs are different in this country. 
• Jakie. Oi, oi ! De costumes is different, I'll tell de 
vorld ! 

Gazook (yells through center tozuard off stage). Bring 
in the slaves ! 

Jack enters center, excitedly. 

Jack (to Pansy). Have you seen Rose? She's lost 
again ! 

Pansy. Oh, hush your fuss. She's around here some- 
where. 



90 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Jack (dramatically) . I'm worried, I tell you. Tm wor- 
ried! (He starts to exit center when — ) 

Rose, disguised as a slave girl, zmth draperies over her 
costimve and a veil helozv her eyes, is led in center by two 
Slaves. Her hands are hound by a big rope. She is di- 
rected to mount a clmir or small stand, near center, which 
she does. When Jack sees her he stops and stares as if 
hypnotized. Additional Slave Girls {members of chorus) 
can be brought in with her if desired. 

Jakie (wisely). A-ha! De fifty-eighth variety ! 

Gazook (standing by Rose). Well, well, folks, here's 
one of our Egyptian slave girls, and she's on the bargain 
counter. Step right up and look 'em over — the fairest 
beauties of the orient. Here's a dandy. Without a mar, 
mark or blemish, no bad habits, will do the mile in two- 
twenty, ain't afraid of automobiles, and guaranteed to stand 
without hitchin'. How much am I offered? 

(Ragtime dialogue from here to finish. The lines shoidd be 
given with rhythmic emphasis, and all gestures and motions 
should he in the same raggy cadence. Keep strictly to the 
tempo, but make speech and action idtra-dramatic) 

Jack. 

I de-clare. 

She is a peach for fair. 
Gazook. 

Take a look at this one, 
Isn't she a bear? 
Jack (to Pansy). 

She's a pretty kid. . 
Pansy. 

Half her face is hid. 
Jack (to Pansy). 

Sort of looks familiar. 
Gazook. 

Well, what will you bid? 



THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 91 

Pansy. 

She's trembling with fear. 
Jack. 

Isn't she a dear? 
Gazook. 

ISFow's your chance to buy yourself 
A nifty souvenir. • 
Rose. 

Oh, dear, dear ! 

Will no one set me free? 
Jack. 

Hark ! That voice ! 
It's very dear to me. 
Rose. 

They have made me 

Wear these funny clothes, 
Jack. 

Can it be? 

Why you are my own Rose! 

{Rushes to her and unbinds her.) 
Gazook. 

You stand back ! 

What are you going to do? 
Jack. 

Save this girl ! 

(Escorts her down from pedestal.) 
Gazook (drawing large knife). 
I'll cut you right in two ! 

Jack (stepping betzveen Rose and Gazook, and drannng 
gun). 

Is that so? 

Well now I guess you're cured. 
Jakie (in range of gun, raises his hands). 
Hey ! Don't shoot ! 

My living ain't insured ! 



92 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 

Gazook (bitterly). 
Foiled a-gain ! 

Who are you, anyway? 

Jack. 

Don't you know? 

Rose. 

He's the hero of the play. 

Pansy (to Jack). 

Well, you've found her. 
Rose (to Jack). 

And I've found you. 
Jakie (raising hands over Rose and Jack) 
Blessings on you, children ; 

(To audience.) 
That's the end of our Revue. 

Finale by Entire Company. 

Curtain. 



MUSIC FOR "THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE" 

Any or all of the song numbers in "The Footlight Revue" 
will be mailed postpaid on receipt of the prices quoted, as 
follows : 

Vocal Orches- 

Copy tration 

Minstrel Opening Chorus and Finale No. 2 $0.75 $1.50 

"In the Evening By the Moonlight, Long Ago" 30 .25 

"Carmen, She Was Absolutely Charmin' " 30 .25 

"As Long As I Have You" 30 .25 

"Steppin' Around" 30 .25 

"Oshkosh, B'gosh!" 30 .25 

"Swanee River Blues" 30 .25 

"Chinese Love Song" 30 .25 

"Somebody Lied" 30 .25 

"Mv Mammy's Twilight Lullaby" 30 .25 

"If I Was What I Ain't" 30 .25 

"Old Fashioned Rose" 30 .25 

"I've Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts" 30 .25 

"Mud Pie Days" 30 .25 

"Cleopatra" 30 .25 

Complete Score for "Footlight Revue" $4.95 $5.00 

Complete vocal score with complete orchestration (when 
ordered together), special price $8.50 

ORCHESTRATIONS 

A splendid orchestration is available for any or all of the 
above numbers, providing for eleven instruments, piano and 
two saxophone obbligatos. Orchestrations do not include 
words; no sets broken. 

DIRECTOR'S SCORE FREE 

Upon receipt of amateur royalty payment of $15.00 for 
the first performance, a complete vocal-and-piano score, for 
the use of the director, will be furnished without extra 
charge. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

623 S. Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 



In Hot Tamale Land 

BY 

Geoffrey F. Morgan 

A MUSICAL COMEDY in 2 acts; 10 principals (6 
males, 4 females) and a chorus of any size. 

PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS. 

Ezra McWhackle An American Pickle King 

Bobby Hunter Honest, Though Poor 

Ned and Dick His Two Chums 

Don Soda Di Poppo Ruler of Hot Tamale Land 

Punko Doro Agent of Bullfighters' Union 

Eleanor Ezra's Charming Daughter 

Agatha Fidget Chaperoning Eleanor 

Dolores Daughter of the Don 

Juanita A Shy Seiiorita 

Senoritas, Toreadors, American Girls and Boys, Amer- 
ican Bluejackets, Herald, etc. 

This musical comedy is ideal for college and high 
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nation's business and attending bull fights is the 
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Eleanor's father will consent to her marrying him. 
The bullfighters' union calls a strike, and Bobby vol- 
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threats of vengeance, Bobby's study of the science 
hom a bullfighting manual — these are just a few of 
the ridiculous complications which combine to make 
IN HOT TAMALE LAND two hours of solid laughter. 
No music is included with the book, bufthere is pro- 
vision for introducing solos, ensemble numbers, dances 
and drills, to be chosen by the director. Has been 
produced with great success. Requires but one stage 
setting. Contains detailed directions for staging. 

Price, 35 Cents. 



T. S. Deiiison & Company, Publishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 



A Royal Cut-Up 

BY 

Geoffrey F. Morgan 

A MUSICAL COMEDY in 2 acts; 10 principals (7 
males, 3 females) and a chorus of any size. 

PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS. 

Hittemup King of Hocus-Po 

Tutti-Frutti His Chamberlain 

Jack Hastings A High School Student 

Tom and Harry His Friends 

Wallflower A Public Menace 

Phlox An Escaped Slave 

Princess Poppy The King's Daughter 

Rose Her Friend 

Duchess Bazaza Mistress of Etiquette 

Students, Flower Fairies, Messengers, Guards, etc. 

Colleges and high schools wishing to stage "a reg- 
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by the thief betrays himself in ludicrous fashion, the 
kingdom is saved, and the princess is spared a love- 
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land setting gives big opportunity for effective cos- 
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music is included in the book, but places are indicated 
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drills and dancing. Includes full descriptions of char- 
acters, costumes and staging, with unusually com- 
plete directions for conducting rehearsals. Brisk and 
breezy lines, rich in snappy comedy of dialogue and 
situation, and allowing for plenty of local quips. 

Price, 35 Cents. 



T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 



Son^ Numbers for Your Show 

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Complying with a demand for a series of musical 
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CARMEN, SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY CHARMIN'. 

— A novelty comic number with very raggy treatment 
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CROONIN' NEATH THE COTTON-PICKI N' MOON. 

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I AIN'T GOT ENOUGH TO PASS AROUND.— An 

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OSHKOSH, B'GOSH! — A "hey rube" novelty number 
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SOON I'LL BE THE CZAR OF ZANZIBAR.— Dan 

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YOUR LITTLE GIRL.— An appealing ballad, har- 
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G23 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 



Popular Stage Offerings 

IN HOT TAMALE LAND 

By Geoffrey F. Morgan. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 

6 males, 4 female s, and chorus; 2 hou rs. Price, 35 Cents. 

A ROYAL CUT-UP 

By Geoffrey F. Morgan. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 

7 males, 3 females, and chorus; 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. 

THE FUN REVUE 

By Frederick G. Johnson. Musical comedy in 5 parts; 
30 to 100 perso-ns, i n>cl-uding chorus; 2 ho urs. Price, 35 Cents. 

AS A WOMAN THINKETH 

By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy in 3 acts; 9 males, 
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AN EARLY BIRD 

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THE EMPTY HOUSE 

By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy-drama in 3 acts and epi- 
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HER HONOR THE MAYOR 

By Mary Modena Burns, A. M. Farcical satire in 3 acts; 
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MY IRISH ROSE 

By Waiter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 6 males, 
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ZARAGUETA, OR MONEY TALKS 

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MACBETH A LA MODE 

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RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW 

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males. Time, 45 minutes. Price, 25 Cents. 

INDIAN DAYS 

By Sappington & Vincent. Musical comedy. 5 males, 
2 females, and chorus. Time, 1 hour. Price, 50 Cents. 



SAVAGELAND 

By Walter Ben Hare. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 5 males, 
5 females, and chorus. Time, 2^^ hours. Price, 75 Cents. 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO 



I— 112:i 



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Send for Complete Descriptive Catalogue 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publisher 

623 S. Wabash Ave, CHICAG 



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